"How do you know when you're too sexy for work?" That's the question Businessweek had for Jolie Anne O'Dell, a tech blogger for VentureBeat, because obviously the first step to making it in the tech blogging business is looking the exact right amount of sexy. As part of its recurring What I Wear to Work feature, Businessweek went straight to the most important question of how a female tech writer dresses without coming off as too sultry. See if you wear a too-hot outfit, certainly everyone in the male dominated tech blogger field will be distracted by your boobs and legs and hair and not take you seriously or possibly sexually assault you, which is all your fault for dressing too sexy. Then again, if you're not sexy enough you're a horrible troll nobody wants to talk to. Ergo, it's of utmost importance to know: When is your blogger outfit just the right amount of sexy. Lucky for you, with the help of professional woman and professional tech journalist O'Dell, we put together a little guide for knowing when you look too inappropriate for tech blogging. You're welcome.
Step 1: Check and see if you have a vagina. Two X chromosomes and all the other stuff that comes along with it is the first thing that will get you in trouble — all those parts are very distracting. If you don't fall into the category traditionally called "woman" (or more often "girl"), it doesn't necessarily mean you're in the clear. But, men's hairy bare calves just don't do it for most people — unless you're coming to work topless or in biker shorts, you're probably okay.
Step 2: Ask, does your outfit make you look "dirty-good?" For O'Dell, she can tell she's "too sexy" when she looks "dirty-good" and not "clean-good." But, by that metric, a lot of bloggers are coming into work way too sexy. Looking around the Atlantic Wire headquarters pretty much everyone besides the four brand new interns who still think they have to wear business casual verge on the "dirty-good" side of things. Sure, they don't look Jersey Shore "dirty-good" but hoodies, t-shirts and, untucked flannels abound.
Step 3: Be pretty by spending as many hours as possible on your hair and makeup. So, if you can't be dirty-dirty (ugly) and you can't be Jersey Shore dirty (slutty), you have to be pretty. But don't worry everyone can achieve that by spending a lot of time on hair and makeup, explains O'Dell. "Pretty is something you put on," she assures. "It's how much time you spend on your hair and makeup in the morning." Just a couple more hours in the morning and you'll get there.
Step 4: No pressure, though.