God has a way of making his political will known through meteorological events. We all remember how Hurricane Katrina punished liberal New Orleans for its sinful ways -- just to be perfectly clear, God shaped the hurricane to look like an unborn child. In August, God first directed Hurricane Isaac towards the Republican National Convention, to remind conservatives of the importance of government emergency services, then pushed Isaac toward New Orleans, to remind them of George W. Bush's failed response to Katrina. Or, in Rush Limbaugh's telling, the National Hurricane Center just made it look like that to screw with Republicans. In any case, unless you are a Doubting Thomas like Limbaugh, you know in your heart God uses the weather to express his policy preferences for the upcoming congressional term. Now there's another big fat storm coming towards the Northeast, and of course it has political implications. What will Hurricane Sandy, aka the Snor'eastercane and Frankenstorm, do to the presidential race? And the liberal media?

Possible event: Sandy swings Virginia to Obama or Romney.

Prognosticators: The storm could crash through Northern Virginia, which is "among most swing-voter rich regions" in the state, BuzzFeed's Rebecca Berg tweets. "It is likely to hit during a full moon, when tides are near their highest, increasing the risk of coastal flooding. And because many trees still have their leaves, they are more likely to topple in the event of wind and snow, meaning there could be widespread power outages lasting to Election Day," CBS News reports.

God's target demographic: Suburban swing voting moms.

Holy political message A: We all depend on the government sometimes, whether its for Social Security or clearing trees off the roads after a massive storm.

Holy political message B: The current administration is unable or unwilling to do what is necessary to respond in a crisis.


Possible event: Sandy floods Florida, making get-out-the-vote efforts extremely difficult for the Obama campaign, whose voters are typically less motivated to go to the polls.

Prognosticator: "A tropical storm warning... remains in effect for Florida's East Coast (from Ocean Reef to Flagler Beach), and Lake Okeechobee... Parts of the Florida coast could see a storm surge between 1 foot and 3 feet," CBS News' Manuel Bojorquez reports.

God's target demographic: Obama voters who decide to stay home on Election day.

Holy political message: God wants Romney to win Florida. Maybe he doesn't support the Dream Act, heavily favored by Latinos in the state?

 

 


Possible event: Sandy starves political campaigns of media oxygen.

Prognosticator: The New York Times' Michael D. Shear, who writes that Sandy could be "perfect television." The storm "could cause severe coastal flooding, generate intense wind damage and knock out power to millions of people for days. In other words — perfect television… Romney and the president could find it harder for their last-minute messages to break through if they are competing with the visuals of a large, threatening storm." NPR's Ari Shapiro tweets the great silencing has already begun: "Frankenstorm claims its first elections-related casualty. Romney's Sunday night rally in VA is no more."

God's target demographic: Obama and Romney and their message guys.

Holy political message: Your stump speeches are boring.


Possible event: Sandy destroys powerlines and cell towers in Washington, D.C. and Northern Virginia.

Prognosticator: Me.

God's target demographic: Political people.

Holy political message: God hates your tweets.