There's a hot little rumor out there that Florida Lieutenant Governor Jennifer Carroll, a GOP rising star, had an intra-office affair with a woman, which is totally false because, according to Carroll, she's not single or bad-looking enough to be a lesbian. "I'm the one that's married for 29 years... The accuser is the one that's been single for a long time. So usually black women that look like me don't engage in relationships like that," she said in an interview with Florida's WTSP News. Ugh. Carroll's cringe-worthy defense of her heterosexuality is unfortunately totally real (video below). And we pity the soul who has to break it to Carroll that lesbians come in all shapes and sizes and aren't always single, and that being married or looking like Carroll isn't a strong lesbian alibi.

The reason we're being introduced to Carroll's faulty logic is because a former aide of Caroll's, Carletha Cole, is being prosecuted for allegedly shared recordings with Carroll's chief of staff with the press after she was fired. And testimony from the lawsuit alleges that Carroll was caught in a "compromising position with her travel aide," reported The Advocate. And obviously same-sex affair rumors aren't something Carroll, being a pro-life, Christian, and GOP star in the making wants floating out there. But ignorance and homophobia? That's totally fine.