Sarah Palin is kicking off her totally-not-a-presidential-campaign-bus-tour of the East Coast Sunday with a stop at a veterans' motorcycle rally in Washington, D.C. After that, she's headed to historical sites up the coast with the goal of "reminding ourselves who we are and what Americans stand for." But those stops are, as of yet, unnamed! Like everything Palin does, every moment of her "One Nation" roadtrip will be scrutinized for clues as to what she's thinking about 2012. We at the Wire would like to offer you a handy guide for how to read these tea leaves.
Fort Sumter: Definitely running. This is where the South first rebelled. Those maverick Confederates didn't take any guff from the Establishment.
Bull Run: Not running. In this early Civil War battle, Wikipedia explains, Union Gen. Irwin McDowell's "ambitious plan for a surprise flank attack against the Confederate left was not well executed by his inexperienced officers and men... The Confederates launched a strong counterattack and as the Union troops began withdrawing under pressure, many panicked and it turned into a rout as they frantically ran in the direction of nearby Washington, D.C." Attacking the left flank does not always guarantee a victory.
Concord, Massachusetts: Running. This is where the American Revolution began!
Concord, New Hampshire: Not running. This is where Michele Bachmann infamously thought the Revolutionary War started. She was wrong. If Palin goes here, maybe she's endorsing Bachmann's candidacy.
Liberty Bell, Philadelphia: Running.
Mutter Museum, Philadelphia: Not running. The bit of American history on display here? The malignant tumor removed from inside President Grover Cleveland's mouth.
Wall Street: Running. She'll won't give them any bailouts, but she won't wage any class warfare, either.
Stonewall Riots Memorial: Not running. Visiting the site of the birth of the gay rights movement wouldn't help Palin much with those social conservatives in Iowa.
Ground Zero: Running.
Ground Zero Mosque: Not running.
New York's Sex and the City Tour: Running. Palin must slice into Democrats' advantage with women.
Baltimore's The Wire Tour: Not Running. The Wire is a better show, and has a more interesting tour, but it's best for a Republican to avoid associations with "poor choices" like heroin abuse.