This holiday season, John Stossel just wants you to know: Thanksgiving is about the Pilgrims' near escape from socialist starvation. This, the libertarian Fox commentator explains, is how it happened:

The Pilgrims at Plymouth Colony organized their farm economy along communal lines. The goal was to share the work and produce equally.

That's why they nearly all starved.

When people can get the same return with less effort, most people make less effort. Plymouth settlers faked illness rather than working the common property. Some even stole, despite their Puritan convictions. Total production was too meager to support the population, and famine resulted. This went on for two years. ... The people of Plymouth moved from socialism to private farming. The results were dramatic. ... Because of the change, the first Thanksgiving could be held in November 1623.

Let's see bids for this white meat, folks. No handouts. And death to the first pinko who touches a cranberry.