Barack Obama, like 43 American Presidents before him, enjoys a good pair of pants. His attitude towards shorts, as The Awl's Jordan Carr points out, is less collegial. Simply put, the man won't wear them. Why is that? "Perhaps he has gangrene," muses Carr, "or really bad eczema or some other condition that he wants to keep from the public. The most likely scenario is that he is hiding his type 2 diabetes from his wife, hater of fat kids everywhere. Also maybe the Muslim tattoos."

Other theories?