AUTHOR: Big Government's Lurita Doan

LENGTH: 979 words

SEEMINGLY REASONABLE THESIS: The Democrats' financial reform bill includes provisions that will negatively affect American small businesses.

GLENN BECK-ESQUE RHETORICAL 'QUESTIONS': "Do Dems hope to kill American competitiveness or do they just have no clue?"; "Have Democrats become so misdirected, so confused, and so arrogant that they believe that they, and they alone, must dictate how other Americans should live?"

POINT AT WHICH DOAN HEADS OFF THE RAILS: "For example, just last week at a time when the nation is considering the very complicated reform of the entire financial industry, Congressman Waxman believed it more important to launch a campaign against baseball players and smokeless chewing tobacco."

HER REACTION: "My goodness!"

TOBACCO-RELATED QUERIES: "Is chewing tobacco really the most important issue of the day?  And, if so, why wouldn’t Henry Waxman start closer to home—his home—in Los Angeles, where Hollywood produces more movies and TV programs in a year with smoking—of cigarettes—than is seen in a year’s worth of baseball games?"

DOAN'S LARGER CAUSE: Making sure dogs get their bones.

IN OTHER WORDS...
Last week, Obama’s Food and Drug Administration (FDA) decided that the time was right to tackle the looming dangers of Americans giving their dogs a bone.  Yes, that’s right.  The FDA issued guidance to advise Americans to stop giving dogs their nightly bone. Doing so, the FDA argues represents a significant new risk to dogs. 

Who would have known? Millions of American dogs, for hundreds of years, have been thrown a bone and were happy.  But now, thanks to the advanced research of the FDA, giving a dog a bone is ruled dangerous.
PEJORATIVE ADJECTIVE FOR THE FOCUS ON THESE ISSUES: "Picayunish."

WORDS SPENT ADDRESSING SAID ISSUES: 318

LESS REASONABLE CONCLUSION: "Democrats seem determined to launch any number of weird efforts aimed at compelling Americans to accept liberal orthodoxy and an ever more demanding nanny state."