Tectonic shifts are afoot in the fast food industry: Burger King is introducing a brand new french fry. In what is surely the greatest food portmanteau of 2013 (step aside, cronut), Satisfries are purportedly a healthier fry, containing 20 percent less calories than their normal fries and 40 percent less fat and 30 percent less carbs than their competitor, McDonald's.

"It's not realistic to ask people to replace french fries with carrots or celery sticks," said Keri Gans, a dietitian, on behalf of Burger King. In addition, the company's Chief Marketing Officer, Eric Hirschhorn, offered this scenario:

“You live in Manhattan and might be having a kale smoothie on your way to work this morning. But a lot of people don’t even know what kale is, and if they do, they don’t want to eat it. You have to give people what they want.”

Satisfries are for the people, not for those East Coast elites with their kale everything.

But Satisfries (again, a perfect name, and also a bad joke your uncle made one time) are more than just a healthy alternative. In a world where iOS 7 is the cool new thing and flat design is taking over, Burger King executives have apparently said, 'No, this will not do,' and designed the Satisfry with a wavy crinkle cut. First, they introduce the fabled french fry burger, and now the crinkle cut? The game done changed.

The fries will be a free substitute in kids meals but adults can expect to pay 20 or 30 cents more for the privilege of the glorious, golden crinkles. According to Time's Alexandra Sifferlin, "The SatisFry looks and tastes just like the chain’s regular crinkle fries."

"I don't know of anything that can rival the innovative impact this product has," one of the company's largest franchisees told USA Today before—just guessing here—dropping the mic and moonwalking out of the room.