In case you missed out on decades of pop culture that definitively proved dolphins are the best sea-mammals, if not the smiliest, this week the sleepy August news cycle reminded us that our bottle-nosed friends still rule. In addition to their military prowess and math abilities, dolphins can, according to recent studies and news stories: 

And they're doing all of this while facing mysterious, probably climate change related mass deaths of their kind — more than 120 dolphins have been found washed up on the East Coast this summer, seven times the normal amount. It's really incredible.

Of course, that hasn't stopped certain haters from smearing the dolphins's shiny, squeaky reputation. A Business Insider blogger warned: "Dolphins Are Dangerous Animals That Could Rape You And Kill Your Baby." Indeed that paints the animals in a much scarier light than the psychological healers we know and love. Dolphin rape, however, is a myth, according to "Dolphin Scientist Guy" Justin Gregg, who studies dolphin social cognition. The military-trained dolphins sweep for mines not kill. Sorry, dolphins are still the best.