Attention hip and fashionable New Yorkers who don't mind paying small fortunes on tiny vodka sodas at New York's finest nightclubs: you may have been fooled. Over the past few weeks an impostor has invaded your sacred circle of fringe celebrities, stony celebrities, tangential relatives of the rich and powerful, and Amanda Bynes in a wig. That impostor goes by the name "Dan Bloomberg." Dan sounds like he might be related to the Michael Bloomberg, New York City overlord and destroyer of the Spanish language. According to Page Six, he's been telling the higher ups at New York's night clubs that he's Bloomberg's nephew. Bloomberg's reps said they have no knowledge of a nephew.
The odd (?) thing is that he's apparently not using this phony nephew scheme to score free drinks. "He likes the best tables. He pays his way. But he’s on his phone most of the time," the team at Page Six writes, adding, "We’re told the interloper doesn’t demand free champagne or even drink to excess." He sure seems like a far cry from Clark Rockefeller, who pretended to be a scion of the famous family mostly to suit his own (nefarious) ends.
Umm, what good is pretending to be the sobrino of El Bloombito, if you can't even parlay that into a free glass of champagne? And though we completely understand that if you are related to Bloomberg and allegedly have a direct line to his billions, it would probably be out of character to ask for free things—but, if you're rich enough to spend bundles of your own money for VIP tables, why not just use your real name and, you know, make a name for yourself?
While we have no idea who Dan Bloomberg is, and neither does Page Six, we do know what the Bloomberg clan looks like. And these are the only Bloomberg scions that should be getting tables at Lavo:
VIP Table and Drinks? Yes, and no. Georgina is reportedly pregnant and probably should not be drinking.
The Lowdown: 34. Daughter of Michael Bloomberg. Graduated from Princeton. Likes to coordinate with dad. Donated $1,000 to Joe Lhota's mayoral campaign.
VIP Table and Drinks? Sure. Seen at Paul McCarthy's WS installation on Park Avenue late last month.
Charlotte Bloomberg and Marjorie Tiven
The Lowdown: Charlotte (center) died in 2011 at the age of 102. Marjorie is the mayor's sister and has served as the Commissioner of the Mayor's Office for International Affairs since 2002.
VIP Table and Free Drinks? Yes. While New Yorkers complain about Bloomberg's third term, Marjorie has had to deal with Bloomberg all her life—that should give her a pass. And pour one out for Charlotte.
The Lowdown: Michael Bloomberg's other half/domestic partner/longtime girlfriend/First Lady of New York City and former New York State superintendent of banks.
VIP Table and Free Drinks? Yes. She's not to be trifled with.
Dan Stets, Liefgreen, Baynes, Murtaugh, Kraut and Any Dan Who Works at Bloomberg
VIP Table and Free Drinks? Yes. See above. They're journalists.
This Daniel Bloomberg who owns the @DanBloomberg Twitter Handle
The Lowdown: Not sure.
VIP Table and Drinks? Probably not.
The Lowdown: Actually written by one Rachel Figueroa.
VIP Table and Drinks? By all means.
And, well, there's this smirky dude: