Yes, yes, the Florida Gulf Coast University story is interesting. Underdog and all that. But in our Bracket of Celebrity/Pundit Bracket Predictions — perhaps the most-watched bracket of brackets in the world — we have sad news to report. Our favorite Cinderella story didn't make the Elite Eight.
Oh, wait. That's an official™ trademark© of the NCAA™. So allow us to rephrase. Our favorite Cinderella story, Kid President, usurper of the actual, adult president, lost in the second round and won't advance to the Elegant Eight. The Excellent Eight. (We started with 32 pundits, so we're moving along a bit faster than the real tournament, albeit in real time.)
But there's even worse news than that. Here's how Round Two shook out.
Yes, Dick Vitale advanced. We are not happy about it either.
Kid President vs. Chris Dobbertean. It's so sad. With all due respect to Chris Dobbertean (who writes about brackets for SBNation), we wanted him to lose. We wanted a child, a YouTube star to win the whole thing. We wanted to lift up Kid President as an example for all future NCAA tournaments, saying: Look, world. A child can win this. Save your wonkery and self-assured predictions. A person not old enough for college triumphed over you all.
But he couldn't, lamentably. So we're left with this: A guy who writes about brackets professionally is good at bracket predictions.
Joe Mantegna vs. Wale. Wale actually led this for most of the match-up (which, we should probably note here, gave contestants two points for each prediction they got right in the NCAA tournament's second round). But Mantegna came on strong, and was rewarded for his faith in both Miami and Florida. Had Illinois won, so would Wale.
Chris Dobbertean, you will now go head-to-head with Joe Mantegna. Words you may never have expected to hear.
Mike Lopresti vs. Kelli Anderson. USA Today's Lopresti has now bested two Sports Illustrated writers in a row. Why? Because of colorful charts. Because of round logos. These are the tools Lopresti has at his disposal, and he uses them.
Luke Winn vs. Nicole Auerbach. Don't believe us? His colleague Nicole Auerbach continues her tear, also beating an SI reporter. USA Today is now guaranteed a reporter in the Final Four. One of the four best predictors in our bracket o' brackets will have come from USA Today. The mind reels.
Jay Bilas vs. Jeff Goodman. Goodman won this in a squeaker, going into overtime for his victory. (Overtime is when there's a tie score after a tournament round, which we resolve by seeing who got the most mid-range predictions correct.) So ESPN loses one of its key voices from its eponymous bracket.
Joe Lunardi vs. Dick Vitale. But not the one you might hope. ESPN's salvation lies with one Richard Vitale, who bested his coworker and expert "Bracketologist" Joe Lunardi to enter the Exxxxxtreme Eight. Vitale is what you might call an "antagonist," Throughout history, works of literature have featured hostile entities that act in conflict with the character at the center of the story, the character we root for. Think Mephistopheles in Faust. That's Vitale.
Team CBS region
Mateen Cleaves vs. Gregg Doyel. Cleaves is crushing everyone he faces. This time: CBS's Gregg Doyel. Indeed, Cleeves has the highest score of any of our survivors. He is rolling. However, he is also loyal. A graduate of Michigan State, he picked that school to beat Duke in the next round. Which could kick the door open for his opponent ...
Aisha Tyler vs. Norah O'Donnell. CBS's Norah O'Donnell. Norah O'Donnell, one of the eight best predictors in the non-NCAA-sponsored bracket of brackets. O'Donnell is now officially our favorite. Look, world, we will say loudly. A talented reporter can win this. Save your wonkery and self-assured predictions.
Speaking of predictions. You may be wondering how our celebrities and pundits did at some of the crazier upsets the tournament has seen. Of the 32 starting contestants, here's how many predicted the upsets.
FGCU, round 1: 0 FGCU, round 2: 0 Wichita State: 1, Dennis Dodd of CBS Sports Oregon: 2 LaSalle, round 1: 1 LaSalle, round 2: 0
How many predicted Duke to go to the Sweet Sixteen — er, the Sumptuous Sixteen? All of them.
Here's your new bracket and a live scoreboard. Each game in the next round counts for three points and scores are cumulative. We actually update this after every game, so come look at it, for Pete's sake.