Meanwhile, in Staten Island, a zebra was seen chasing a pony. 

The Staten Island Advance's Anthony Nasti reports a local shopkeeper passed along footage of a zebra chasing a pony in a Staten Island parking lot around midday. Zachary Osher, owner of Metropolitan Drape & Blind, was minding his business when he noticed the beasts chasing each other through the mall's parking lot where his store is located. What happened next might be our personal favorite part of the story:

"About 30 seconds later, I saw two men in dark black suits carrying lassoes running across the street," Osher said. The scene of two hapless zoo officials chasing a pony and zebra seems a little too Looney Tunes to be real, but here we are: There is, indeed, video evidence that a zebra chased a pony through a Staten Island neighborhood today. 

And, look! More evidence from Justin Breit on Instagram

Surprisingly, no parody Twitter accounts have been created. Yet. @StatenIslandPony and @StatenIslandZebra are still available, and ripe for some horrible comedian to start. Where is your sense of urgency, America? Have you become lazy with your parody Twittering since the fervor of the election? Should we be disappointed or proud right now? A zebra and a pony should not cause such a whirlwind of emotion. 

Besides the few details passed along from The Advance, this is all we know about the mysterious zebra and pony in Staten. If you have any tips, please email us

Update: The New York Times' Andy Newman reports the zebra has been apprehended. As far as we know, the pony is still on the loose. More soon, he says. 

Update #2: The Times' Newman comes through with the origin story for the zebra and the pony horse. They were escapees of the petting zoo up the road from where the video was shot. They are both safe and back in their petting zoo home.