Brandon Lee Price, an AWOL soldier, is now in federal custody for trying to steal Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen's identity, and while, yes, it was an incredibly dim and illegal plan, we can't really blame him for aiming high. Of course trying to defraud one of the richest and most notable men in the world is incredibly stupid, but the guy has a pretty great identity. The AP reports that "federal investigators allege Brandon Lee Price changed the address on a bank account held by Microsoft co-founder Paul Allen, then had a debit card sent to his Pittsburgh home ...".  Using that debit card to pay off your delinquent Armed Forces Bank account, as Price allegedly did is an arguably stupider idea.

But we have a little bit of sympathy for Price because, who wouldn't want to be Paul Allen?  Umm, obviously it's someone who doesn't want to hang out with Jane Fonda, Ryan Gosling, and Bar Refaeli in Cannes on a 413-foot yacht called The Octopus (with a crew of 60)?  Or someone who obviously doesn't want to be able to drop $500 million in the "quest to find the essence of humanity in the brain"? Or someone who doesn't want to date Jerry Hall or Monica Seles? If you're gonna try to steal an identity, Allen's is pretty great.