Ooh-ee. Match.com has released their second annual "Singles in America" study, and the information contained within ranges from scintillating to as approximately tepid as a lukewarm bath. Which is not unpleasant, really. The Daily Beast got a first peek at the study, which it says, turns the tables on the old stereotypes we know and don't really love. How so? Let's investigate!

Before we begin, know that the survey, which delves into the "values, attitudes, and sexual patterns of more than 5,000 American singles," is the largest comprehensive study of singles, says the survey's resident advisor Helen Fisher. Adding credibility to its claims is the fact that it does not cull from Match users, nor was it conducted by Match. This is a real survey, for real people who may or may not have told the truth when asked about their sex, dating, and relationship proclivities. But on to the juicy stuff...

  • Republicans do it better. Or say they do, at least, claiming the most orgasms "despite having the least amount of sex." More than half of conservative Republicans said they had an orgasm every time they had sex, compared to only 40 percent of liberal Democrats. Fill in the blanks: Liberal guilt is a _____  _____.
  • Men are woefully misunderstood. Just because that guy broke up with you after seven dates using the well-practiced method of never speaking to you again doesn't mean it didn't hurt him deeply -- nor that he's not still pining away after you. Among the learnings gleaned via this survey about menfolk: Men are more likely to fall in love at first sight; men believe couples can stay married forever; men like to show affection; men think sex is better with a long-term partner than a one-night stand (except maybe this guy); men are, by and large, adorable, loving individuals and why they ever got a bad rap is a mystery to us all, Gary.
  • Women are sex fiends! Ok, not fiends, per se, but 50 percent would dump a guy for being bad in bed. Meanwhile, men were turned off by low sex drive in a partner. It's the age-old battle of quantity vs. quality, some might say. Women also enjoy ambition, cleanliness, independence, and a sense of humor. Men, for the record, like ambition too, and we'd guess they also like their partners to be clean, though that was not reported. In other news, now that it's 2012, men mostly don't mind being stay at home dads, or, at least, think it's acceptable. Stereotypes be gone!
  • Dudes will "settle" for someone who has everything they want in a partner, even if they don't happen to be in love with that person. Which makes us wonder...how many guys don't think they need to be in love with their partner? Women, on the other hand, are "picky." Or perhaps they just haven't found the right person.
  • Gay men are more likely to believe in love at first sight than are straight men. 14 percent of them say they have actually experienced the scientific phenomenon.
  • We're all a bunch of fools optimists who think we can have it all! "The vast majority of men and women believe it’s possible to have a successful relationship and a successful career." Except for politicians, who are not allowed to cheat under any circumstances. Newt? 
  • The mean old economy has not hurt our dating mojo, even though it has stressed us out. 60 percent of us still date the same way we used to (whatever that may be) and 40 percent of us would date someone unemployed -- providing we were already interested in that poor, unlucky person who is now going to have to pick up our dry cleaning for us while we're at work. 
  • Old people are picky, but also highly orgasmic. And...we're done here. The first rule of sex surveys is to know when to stop talking about sex surveys. 

As for how you should apply any of this learning to real-life situations, we suggest you start by dashing it all from your mind with a pointed rock and taking it slow and easy, one step at a time, according to what makes you happy. Except we're not serious about the rock, because, you know, doesn't the rock deserve to be happy, too?