AUTHOR: Mark Judge at The Daily Caller

LENGTH: 1023 words

THESIS: The problem with Journolisters is not only that they are corrupt. Rather, it's that they are ugly losers.

TO PUT A FINER POINT ON IT: The members of Journalism compose "the ugliest group of life forms this side of a National Geographic special. When do these orcs march on Helm’s Deep?"

ON KEEPING HIS CRITIQUE HIGHBROW: "It’s childish to make fun of someone’s looks, I know." That said, these folks "were at the business end of a fugly stick beat-down."

SUBJECTS TOUCHED ON IN FREEWHEELING DISCUSSION: The attractiveness of Swedes, Dungeons & Dragons, "Pillsbury Doughboy" Chris Matthews, Soledad "Smurf" O'Brien, Nietzsche

EXPLANATION OF THE BEAUTY OF CONSERVATIVES, EVEN UGLY ONES :"Maybe there is some correlation between beauty and conservatism. Perhaps pretty people don't have to deal with as much humiliation early in life, and therefore don't become bitter with resentment. They get dates, get picked for teams, they make out. And the conservatives who are less attractive learn and accept that the world is not fair. They make their peace with God...They feel no need to go work for the Nation."

CORRELATION BETWEEN SARAH-PALIN HATRED AND LACK OF PROM DATES: "In high school she was the kind of girl that the school newspaper nerds - the future Journolisters - despised. Pummeled with so much raw beauty, athleticism and sex appeal - and she's nice, too, goddamn her - these fearless chroniclers of reality were left sputtering - and seething."

WHY THERE ARE NO FEMALE TV JOURNALISTS ON JOURNOLIST: "Most of them are just too hot"