AUTHOR: John Mullane

PUBLICATION: Bucks County Courier Times, by way of PhillyBurbs.com

THESIS: Suburbs are "triumphant" in struggle against cities to attract the best residents.

PREDICTION: Despite a "bright flight" of college-educated young people to cities, "eventually those bright 'knowledge workers' boomerang back to the 'burbs."

EVIDENCE: In cities, "The bars are overpriced; the exotic cuisine gives you heartburn."

WHY ALL EVIDENCE CONTRARY TO HIS THESIS IS WRONG: "Certain snoots have never gotten over the post-World War II exodus of Americans from crime-ridden, highly taxed, poorly managed, grimy, unwholesome cities."

OBSERVATION FROM DUNCAN 'ATRIOS' BLACK: "This guy has a great career ahead of him as a commenter on newspaper web sites."

SUMMARY OF A BROOKING INSTITUTION PAPER: "What Brookings really wants to say is: Smart people live in cities; dumb people live in suburbs."

BONUS ZINGER: "Brookings has generated McBuzz with a story with more holes than a New York Times editorial."

PHILLY PRIDE MOMENT: Taking a shot at "boutique-clotted towns like San Francisco, Boston, Atlanta, Austin, Texas and Portland, Ore."

'STARTLING' NEWS: "One of the more startling developments uncovered by the last census was that immigrants, legal and otherwise, were skipping big cities like Philadelphia altogether because the suburbs are where the jobs and opportunity lay."

WHY ALL CITY DWELLERS INEVITABLY MOVE TO SUBURBS:
Maybe it's your second close call with a thug while you waited on a subway platform on your way home from work. Maybe it's the third time your car is broken into. Maybe it's growing weary of your roommate's girlfriend arriving on Friday and staying until Sunday.