WHERE: The Washington Post, "On Faith" section
LENGTH: 818 words
SERMON: True Christians must unite against secularists who are trying to "sabotage America"
THE ENEMIES: "Secular saboteurs," "atheists," "Marxists," "multiculturalism," "Hollywood," "moral anarchists," "Jesse Jackson," "Sexual Libertines," "Harvey Weinstein," "Catholics for Choice," and the "ACLU." Though not necessarily in that order.
ANYBODY ELSE? Yes. The gays.
THEIR WEAPON OF CHOICE: Art, of course. "From scatological artistic exhibitions to the latest obscene installation, the charlatans have succeeded in politicizing the arts and denigrating Christianity"
THEIR GREATEST SIN: A "pathological hatred of Christianity"
THE PROBLEM, YOU SEE, IS TOLERANCE: "Secularists within Catholicism and Protestantism are so out of control that it makes one wonder how any serious-minded person would ever accuse these religions of being oppressive. Insubordination of the most flagrant kind is routinely tolerated in a way that would never be countenanced at the New York Times, yet the bad rap always goes to Christians. We're not talking about those pushing for moderate reforms: we're talking about termites eating away from within."
GOOD PEOPLE OF ALL FAITHS CAN AT LEAST AGREE UPON THIS: Gay marriage is a "crazy idea."
CONSERVATIVE CHRISTIAN LEAST LIKELY TO ANSWER DONAHUE'S CALL TO ACTION: Andrew Sullivan
WHO SULLIVAN WILL PROBABLY CALL INSTEAD: The Washington Post, which is "either desperate or just beyond caring what appears under their auspices"
THE LAST WORD:
The only way secular saboteurs can be stopped is by an alliance of religious conservatives across faith lines. The good news is that this is already happening. In the fight over gay marriage, the scorecard is 30-0: traditional Catholics, evangelical Protestants, Orthodox Jews, Orthodox Christians, Muslims, and Mormons, along with a big contribution from the Latino and African American communities, have succeeded in throwing a roadblock at this crazy idea.
The culture war is up for grabs. The good news is that religious conservatives continue to breed like rabbits, while secular saboteurs have shut down: they're too busy walking their dogs, going to bathhouses and aborting their kids. Time, it seems, is on the side of the angels.