Uruguay's Luiz Suarez finally apologized for biting Italian defender Giorgio Chiellini...sort of. While apologizing, Suarez insisted he never meant to bite Chiellini at all. A mea culpa, this was not.

Suarez, the celebrated but troubled striker, released his first public statements on the matter over Twitter Monday morning. Suarez apologized to FIFA, Chiellini, his friends, family and fans, but also denied any culpability in the matter. Suarez expressed regret that "Chiellini suffered the physical result of a bite in the collision with me." Who knew Suarez was as talented dancing around the English language as he is on the pitch with a ball? That's not the same as apologizing for biting Chiellini. 

Apologizing for the "physical result of a bite" implies Suarez never intentionally bit Chiellini, which matches the defense Suarez used during his hearing with FIFA officials. The AP released the transcript from that meeting on the weekend: 

"In no way it happened how you have described, as a bite or intent to bite. After the impact ... I lost my balance, making my body unstable and falling on top of my opponent. At that moment I hit my face against the player leaving a small bruise on my cheek and a strong pain in my teeth." 

Probably because of his lengthy history biting opponents, FIFA didn't buy Suarez's excuse and suspended him from four months of soccer activity. He missed Uruguay's match against Colombia on Saturday, which they lost, 2-0. Suarez will remain on the sidelines until the beginning of November. 

At least one person has already accepted Suarez's apology, and thinks his punishment was out of line with the crime committed: