Oh, you're so terrible, they said. How dare you monsters make fun of something as classic and elegant and beneficial as horseback riding? There is nothing mockable about dressage, Ann Romney's fancy horse sport, they cried. Well, 'they' can turn on their Olympic daytime coverage right now and see for themselves. Dressage is happening live, and it is weird.
The Romneys' horse, Rafalca, didn't qualify for finals, poor girl. But even without our American star, this is a must-see. As it's the individual final, there is music. Horses dancing to music, the kind of music that plays in epic movie trailers, the kind of music in Disney princess movies, the kind of music that plays in waiting rooms. Another remixed the Olympics theme. Each routine is several minutes long, and includes specific moves for the judges to grade.
Here's a taste of what's happening. This is the Netherlands' Adelinde Cornelissen, whose test put her in first place. Her technical score was 84.214 percent, her artistic score 92.286 percent, for a total score of 88.250 percent. (Update: Cornelissen was surpassed by Great Britain's Charlotte Dujardin, but took home a silver medal.)
The difficult half-pass:
Trotting in place:
The riotous crowd:
And there you have it folks: incontrovertible proof that dressage is funny. Also strong evidence that rich people can never be cool.