Prince William and Kate Middleton will be married in nine days. Until then, royal-fatigued media outlets will have to keep coming up with new and highly-specific ways of covering the wedding. Here are some of the ways newspapers managed to keep the couple and the ceremony in the news. Here's today's t minus 9 roundup. Come back tomorrow for t minus 8, and check out past installments here.
"Royal wedding wine revealed" -- Decanter
This is a misleading headline. The wine blog only knows what champagne is being served---Pol Roger NV. They're still trying to get word on what wines will be served during the wedding breakfast at Buckingham Palace and after the wedding in Westminster Abbey. They've heard "unconfirmed reports that an English wine will be on the table."
"Prince William and Kate Middleton aren't preppies. You should call them 'rahs'" -- Slate
Don't let their fondness for blue coats with gold buttons fool you--William and Kate aren't preppies, not in the American sense at least. They're 'rahs,' which is to say, preppies lightly dusted in hipster. Sonia van Gilder Cooke explains the distinction:
How do you spot a rah? Take American preps. Now chuck them in the Thames. A rah-ette is a towering tangle of teased blond hair in a fur coat and tights. She loves Shakespeare ("Shaky"), sex, and a dubstep DJ called Sgt. Pokes. A he-rah is a tragic Adonis in a floral shirt and deck shoes. He adores bad '90s rock, Prufrock, and himself. We all wear paisley pashminas.
"No woman in her right mind would want to be Kate Middleton" -- Jezebel
The rough argument: Sure, living a life free from worry with the powerful man you love with sounds good, but think of the anonymity you'll lose. Kate Middleton will never again experience the joy of waiting in line at the DMV, going through airport security, or doing her own taxes. William may also cheat on her, and if he does, what a public embarrassment: think of the terrible precedent with Prince Charles and Diana. No wonder 86 percent of British women wouldn't want to switch places with her.
"Royal wedding: knit your own Corgi" -- The Guardian
The Guardian's Knit Your Royal Wedding series has finally turned its attention to Queen Elizabeth's preferred dog breed. This is a good thing. What commoner wouldn't want yarn replicas of Callie and Sicilly, the Queen's two Corgis that "live in wicker baskets in a box room in the palace and are fed from silver bowls" and travel "in chauffeur-driven limousines and private planes"?