LENGTH: 797 words
THESIS: China is a naughty panda
HEADLINE: "Pandas Behaving Badly"
BIG FOREIGN POLICY NEWS: "This week the Chinese decided to stomp on America's Hat"
CHINA IS UPSET BY: "A distinct failure by the barbarians to come calling at court in a timely fashion"
THE UNITED NATIONS IS: "That incorruptible bastion of moral authority"
ELEGANT SEGUE: "In other naughty panda news, the Washington Post reported today that a North Korean arms shipment..."
DOES 'PANDA" REALLY REFER TO ASIAN NATIONS?: Yes, "panda" really refers to Asian nations
CHINA'S ENVIRONMENTAL INITIATIVE IS: "Its carbon trading Ponzi scheme"
THOMAS FRIEDMAN'S TITLE: "New York Times columnist/Obama BFF"
WRITERLY COLLOQUIALISMS: "**gasp**" "boondoggles" "poohbahs" "Oopsie"
PARTING ZINGER: "Does anyone know the Mandarin for 'chutzpah'? Maybe Friedman can help them figure it out."
MOST OUTRAGEOUS NAUGHTINESS:
So why, exactly, does the US need to spend so much time trying to explain to the Chinese that the Iranians and the North Koreans are up to no good? It seems pretty self-evident that the Chinese are fully aware of what is going on and either a) don't care; or b) find it useful to their own foreign policy objectives that the Iranians and North Koreans continue doing what they are doing.