Today in celebrity gossip: Lindsay Lohan wore a beach vendor's child as an accessory while on vacation, Danity Kane split up, and Charlize Theron tried to get Tia Mowry banned from SoulCycle.

The AMBER Alert system originated in 1996 as a way of alerting populations about missing or abducted children in the fastest and most obtrusive way possible in the hopes that the child can be recovered during those crucial first 48 hours. The system has been so successful that Congress authorized phone carriers to send us all AMBER Alert messages on our smart phones whenever a tot has been snatched, and let me tell you it's really something special to be sitting in a quiet waiting room when you and the twenty people around you suddenly get simultaneous text messages. But it's worth it, you know? Because children are our future, at least I believe that this is the case. At the moment there does not seem to be an analogous system of abducted-child alarms in Greece, which is the only reason citizens were largely unaware that Lindsay Lohan attempted to abduct a child right up off of the beach in Mykonos recently. According to TMZ while on vacation a few days ago, Lohan was spotted "borrowing" a street vendor's small child "and wandering around on the beach." Just scooped him right up and wore him like a common Claire's accessory. Because although Lindsay Lohan might be currently struggling in a lot of areas, nobody can deny her potentially great parenting skills. When you've been raised by the best, you have no choice but to carry on that tradition. Anyway, Lindsay Lohan picked up a stranger's child and walked around with him for little to no reason. So that happened. In related Lohan news, Radar still seems insistent on shattering the crystal house of cards that is her public sobriety by reporting that all her "sober buddies" are no longer getting text responses from Lohan. What does it all meeeean? Only a small Greek child knows for sure. [TMZ, Radar]

Following Tuesday's reports of the newly reunited girl group Danity Kane having it out in a recording studio comes reports that they have no officially broken up! Here's how ostensible leader (and reality show fixture) Aubrey O'Day explained the breakup in an official statement on their blog:

During a recent group meeting, a business conversation took a turn for the worst when my group member punched me in the back of my head while I was speaking to another associate.

So this is another case of your typical punched-in-the-back-of-the-head-at-a-recording-studio situation. Anyway, the "group member" in question here seems to be Dawn Richard, and O'Day goes on to paint a portrait of a troubled woman whose "small lies turned into bigger lies," and how "it breaks my heart that this violence is followed by no sign of remorse." But sometimes enough is enough and in this case "enough" would be getting punched in the back of the head at a recording studio, so it was time to break up again. It's unclear what will happen to the material they'd reunited to record, but this is certainly a sad, strange ending for a band that was assembled by P. Diddy during the reality show Making the Band. We truly expected better. [Us Weekly]

If you think Charlize Theron will be cool with you talking trash about her over your run-ins at SoulCycle, think again. Former celebrity Tia Mowry learned this the hard way when she mentioned in a July interview that Theron had once rolled her eyes at her at SoulCycle, and now Page Six reports that Theron has responded by attempting to have Mowry banned from all SoulCycle locations.

"Charlize came in so pissed off after Tia went to the tabloids about her, and she demanded we bar Tia from ever coming back. When the manager refused, Charlize just got angrier and said she’d go to the top to make it happen," an insider told the site.

This same "insider" also quoted Charlize as remarking that "this nobody who was famous for a minute 20 years ago can complain to the tabloids about me but I can’t expect you to protect me from hangers-on in your studio?" Fair question, SoulCycle. If your brand is to create an ultra chill vibe where A-listers can cleanse their souls via spin classes, then why on earth would you allow a Mowry twin onto the premises? You better check yourself, SoulCycle. Check yourself before you wreck yourself. [Page Six]

There's no statute of limitations on good celebrity gossip, but you might want to get your grandpa on Skype for this one: Singer Marianne Faithfull is now claiming that her then-boyfriend personally murdered The Doors' Jim Morrison! In a recent interview with Mojo, Faithfull confessed that Morrison's then-mysterious bathtub overdose was partly due to the actions of her boyfriend, heroin dealer Jean de Breteuil. "The smack was too strong," Faithful clarifies, distancing herself from an actual murder allegation. Still though, and I realize this is too soon, but man were The Doors terrible. Sorry, everyone, but nostalgia is a liar and The Doors' enduring popularity is surely one of its biggest pranks. [People]

Here's a picture from the time Jeff Bridges sat on Will Arnett's lap:

Singer Ariana Grande recently visited a live taping of Big Brother to support her brother Frankie and Julie Chen has the selfie to prove it:

Justin Bieber removed his top again:

Watch out behind you, Katy Perry!!

Here's a photo of Austin Mahone hanging out with Gozer the Gozerian. Just kidding, that's Kelly Osbourne.

Finally, here's Colton Haynes looking very natural and real: