Back for their first episode in two weeks, Jon Stewart and The Daily Show crew were ready for a nice, relaxing re-entry to the news. Unfortunately for them, they chose to be gone during two of the busiest weeks of the summer. From an immigration crisis at home to a Middle East on the brink of disaster, Stewart was left aghast.

"What happened?!" he asked incredulously. "We were gone for two weeks!"

In the episode's opening segment, appropriately titled "(500) Crazies of Summer," Stewart attempted to sort it all out, like a father who went to see a movie and comes back to see the house has been destroyed.

Take the immigration issue, for example. Stewart sympathized with the thousands attempting to cross the border despite a lack of facilities for them, noting America's "open arms" for immigrants.

Cut to those at the border: "Go back to Mexico! Yeaaaaah, get out of here!"

Not exactly Ellis Island, Stewart noted. And what would Jesus, he of "I was a stranger, and you welcomed me" think?

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"Jesus would not break the law!"

Stewart was perplexed. "You mean Radical Destroyer of the Status Quo Jesus?" he asked. "Breaking the law was kind of his thing."

In the clip below, Stewart also tries to make sense of the crises in the Middle East, from ISIS's presence in Iraq to the bombings in Israel and Palestine, and why the CDC has decided to start misplacing potentially fatal contagions. But, as he noted, the news wasn't all bad.

"Things are so f*cked up in our world that right now," he said, "the two happiest places on Earth are Germany and Cleveland."