Jon Stewart was a little melancholy on last night's The Daily Show. News this summer has just been so brutal and depressing. What happened to the fun? What happened to the laughs?
What happened to shark attacks?
"Nothing said 'summer' like firing up the grill, mixing up some G&Ts and waiting for people to be mauled by fish," Jon Stewart lamented in a segment called "I Miss What We Did Last Summer."
Yet there haven't been any big stories about shark attacks this summer, especially in comparison to years past. There was a potential shark attack recently – that is, if you call a shark flailing against the shore, having choked on a sea lion and died, a "potential shark attack."
"This summer's been so depressing, the sharks are committing suicide," Stewart said.
But it's not just about the sharks for Stewart. He needs silly news to balance out his horrific headlines – an Anthony Wiener for every NSA scandal, he compared to last summer. Yet even noted gaffe machines Paula Deen and Sarah Palin can't give him what he wants. Deen is launching a new digital channel, and Palin made a funny about being pulled over for driving too fast in Wasilla. That's not cutting it.
The lack of good material is enough to bum out even the most optimistic comedy show hosts. "We're doomed," Stewart cried. "Somebody get me a sea lion to choke on."