Today in celebrity gossip: A former member of Destiny's Child got a little too drunk this weekend, Casey Kasem's body went missing from the funeral home, and Justin Bieber is partying too hard lately.

Over one hundred thousand women have been kicked out of Destiny's Child over the years, so the possibility that one of them might someday be arrested for getting drunk and lying down in a neighbor's yard was a statistical certainty. Yet here we are: Former Destiny's Child member Farrah Franklin, 33, has been arrested for "disorderly conduct"! Historical context: After Destiny's Child's breakout album The Writing's On the Wall and its hit singles "Bills, Bills Bills," "Bugaboo," "Say My Name," and "Jumpin' Jumpin'" turned the R&B group into household names and elevated the yellow weave to iconic status, two of its members were straight-up fired. "House of Dereon sends its regards!" someone probably never said at any point, but it's a timely Game of Thrones reference, did you like it? Anyway, then two new members were hired before the next album hit: Michelle Williams, whose tenure lasted for the duration of the group, and Farrah Franklin, who only lasted a few months and whose dismissal effectively turned Destiny's Child into a trio. Maybe you knew all that, maybe you didn't, but the fact still stands: Farrah Franklin has now been arrested for getting drunk and lying down in a neighbor's yard. But if we're being real, A LOT of things about this story are kind of very hilarious. For one thing it all went down in Myrtle Beach. For another, Franklin was hanging out with a pair of football players who called the cops on her because she was "yelling, slamming doors and refused to stop when asked." Which, we've all been there. Then, of course, responding officers arrived to find Franklin "lying in a neighbor’s yard" and then comes the best part: Franklin "told police she 'did not have anywhere else to go and was planning on sleeping in the woods.'" Yep, a former member of Destiny's Child got drunk and tried to go off the grid. Such is the far-reaching and frightening power Beyoncé wields over these women. First forcing Kelly Rowland to have a child who will someday accompany Blue Ivy to the club, but also, and most humiliating of all, forcing Michelle Williams to release THIS song under her own name:

Will Beyoncé's reign of terror never end? [Page Six, TMZ]

On the subject of Beyoncé, only a conspiracy theorist with severe mental problems would try and make some connection between Farrah Franklin's arrest and this Page Six report that Beyoncé and Jay Z are on the verge of a breakup. But what if Beyoncé is distracting the press by conspiring to have former members of Destiny's Child arrested for sleeping in the woods so that people won't know she's about to divorce her husband??? Something to think about. Anyway, despite the fact that they're currently traveling the world together on a mega-selling concert tour, Beyoncé and Jay Z are allegedly having tons of problems (how many? how many problems though?) and an anonymous source tells Page Six that "the tour could officially spell the end of the marriage." But how? And what evidence does this source provide? "There are no rings, if you haven’t noticed." HOLY SH*T. I had not noticed. That's it, then. They had a good run. See you at the divorce court, Beyoncé and Jay Z. [Page Six]

This might come as a shock to you, so please make sure you've taken your heart medicine today: Justin Bieber has been partying a lot lately. Perhaps too much? Definitely too much, at least as far as the American legal system is concerned. For one thing, his reign of terror in his current party pad continues as TMZ reports that "cops responded to complaints at his Beverly Hills condo 6 TIMES over the weekend." That is a lot of noise complaints! Apparently his hater neighbors summoned patrol cars all throughout Saturday, specifically at "8:30 PM, 12:50 AM, 1:50 AM and 3:00 AM." But in my opinion Justin Bieber should be credited for keeping things very chill for at least four hours after dinnertime. Maybe that's when he and his entourage sat down and finished Season 2 of Orange Is the New Black? Or maybe they all got an early start on NaNoWriMo or glued scraps of Seventeen Magazine onto their vision boards? Or a séance? Maybe there was a séance? Either way, for a solid four hours Justin Bieber did not disturb his neighbors and hopefully that will keep him from violating his egg-throwing probation, which is a thing that could happen from all these noise complaints. Be careful, Justin Bieber. Don't go to jail for being too turnt up! [TMZ]

Well, the ridiculous nightmare that has been Casey Kasem's final days continues onward after his death as his body has DISAPPEARED from the funeral home in which it had been held. Quick question: Was it you? Did you take Casey Kasem's body out of the funeral home? Follow-up question: Could you not? In most cultures that is considered disrespectful, so please return Casey Kasem's body. Anyway, a judge had previously granted a restraining order to Kasem's daughter preventing Kasem's widow from cremating his remains, but whoops! Where's that body? Clearly it's been spirited away to some secret locale like a scene from a particularly macabre remake of The Thomas Crown Affair. Or maybe there's a Weekend at Bernie's situation going on somewhere in Canada? And what's Ryan Seacrest been up to lately? Did he recently purchase an oversized steamer trunk? Somebody please look into this. [Page Six]

Headline presented without comment: Kevin Sorbo Thinks "It's Kinda Stupid" He's Not in Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's Hercules Movie [Us Weekly]

Speaking of Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, here he is traumatizing a little girl for life:

Meanwhile, please stop everything you're doing and watch this clip of Michelle Rodriguez straightener Zac Efron taking off his clothes and tying himself to a similarly shirtless Bear Grylls in an upcoming episode of Running Wild With Bear Grylls:

Beyoncé, roller skating:

Katy Perry got a new hat:

And finally, Alex Pettyfer made some wonderful new friends: