According to a new poll, a majority of Americans agree that President Obama pretty much botched the Bowe Bergdahl rescue. So to help him out, The Daily Show laid out the way Obama should have brought the POW home.
Most Americans believe Bergdahl did indeed deserve to be rescued – they just don't like the exact way Obama did it, you see. "If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that they would have done it better," Jon Stewart said. "Turns out we could've done everything but the thing we did. That was the one thing we shouldn't have done. We're so stupid."
That settles it, then: most people think trading five Guantanamo prisoners to the Taliban for Bergdahl's release was the wrong thing to do. So what was the right thing to do? Stewart brought on correspondents Jason Jones and Jessica Williams to explain, basically, that Obama got hosed on the trade.
"Is this the right deal for the administration to do?" Stewart asked.
"No," Jones said.
"I'm going to respectfully disagree with Jason," Williams said. "Because the answer is hell no. Obama gave up five pieces of top Taliban talent. Huge mistake. You know, if I had been president, I would've gotten Bergdahl back for some second-stringer like Abd al-Rahim al-Nashiri and whatever's in my pocket ... looks like $1.75."
"No, no, no, that is still way too much," Jones said. "If I was president, I would've gotten Bergdahl back for an 8 gb iPhone 3 and a pack of gum. And not even good gum – the gum that squirts that toothpaste-y jizz in your mouth."
"What if the Taliban hadn't been willing to exchange their high-value prisoner for a pocket change and gum that squirts?" Stewart asked.
"Fuck that, I'd make them do it," Jones said.
Well, there you have it. The only other option was to let Bergdahl rescue himself, and turn the whole thing into a movie with a $120 million opening weekend. Now that is what Obama should've done.