"We're going to check in, right now, with some of our nation's hallowed institutions of higher learning," Jon Stewart said on The Daily Show last night. Which led to a dissection of the woefully inadequate ways schools handle sexual assault.
At James Madison University, a former student claims the school was too lenient on three male students who were found responsible for sexually assaulting her on a spring break trip.
"This case is horrifying, but at least the woman has video ... at least this time the school cannot sweep this under the rug. So what's the punishment?"
The three students, found responsible of assault and harassment by the school, were expelled upon graduation.
"Wait a minute, 'expelled upon graduation?' Isn't that ... graduation?" Stewart asked. "No alumni tailgating, or reunions, or bringing your kids back to show them where you abused girls?"
And JMU joins 55 schools under investigation by the federal government for mishandling sexual assault and rape cases.
"What the fuck? Are colleges trying to incentivize sexual assault?" Stewart said. "Clearly universities are not making their campuses safe for women."
So Daily Show correspondents Jessica Williams and Jordan Klepper came on for some Campus Safety Dos and Don'ts.
Klepper: "This is a big one guys: don't pass out on the couch. Someone might draw a dick on your face."
Williams: "Do not pass out on the couch, ladies. Someone will put their dick on your face, at the very minimum."
Klepper: "Friends don't let friends drive drunk, take a cab."
Williams: "Friends don't let friends stay at a party drunk. Girls, get her out of there. Call a cab, and from an actual cab company that has a website, not just some creepy guy with a yellow car."
Klepper: "Let's be real here, Jessica. You're telling me that women just spend their whole day navigating an obstacle course of sexual menace?"
Williams: "Yeah, pretty much."
Klepper: "Sorry, but not all men are bad, some are still gentlemen."
Williams: "I'll keep that in mind the next time a guy says he wants to lick my back when while I'm walking to work at 8 in the fucking morning."