"Have you no dignity? Or do you order that in as well?" – Andrew Meyer, ex-husband
"Detroit" ended with Ben telling Selina, "If we kill everybody in the room, then we might be okay." So all in all, it wasn't too bad of a week for the Meyer team.
This week's episode had Selina announcing 7,000 new jobs that won't be jobs in six months, attending a gun show without saying the word "gun" (they're "things that defend"), and getting attacked by a protester dressed as the Statue of Liberty.
On top of all that, "Detroit" brought back some faces the veep and her team weren't exactly thrilled to see: the now-ex prime minister of Finland Minna Häkkinen ("That Finnish fart!") who just so happened to be giving the keynote speech at the National Jobs Summit, and Selina's ex-husband Andrew, who never portends good news. But on the flip-side, Catherine came along to lose her "fiscal cherry." And, of course, there was Selina's new "wellness advisor" Ray.
Yes, there was plenty of Ray-creation (mostly for Selina) this week. Played by the wonderfully intense Christopher Meloni, the latest addition to the veep entourage had his nose in everyone's business, from trying to make Amy just a little less tense than North Korea, to critiquing Mike's press releases. He even came up with the brilliant idea that Selina visit a women's gun show. We'd put him on our Index, but his love for Kenny G makes him virtually unrankable.
1. Selina Meyer (Last week: 2)
Not a great week for the veep herself. During the time she spent not having sex with Ray (which was tacky, according to Catherine), Selina kept trying to force that confusing umbrella metaphor, and commented that America has "way too many guns." As Dan put it, "You just picked a fight with the jumpiest 100 million people I can possibly think of."
2. Mike McLintock (Last week: 3)
What did Mike have to say about gun-control? "Do we have to talk guns? I wish we were still on abortion, that was easy." Well, that's one way to think about it.
3. Dan Egan (Last week: 9)
Being campaign manager has turned Dan into a two-iPad yielding sex trafficker, who apparently gets his news from a guy on a horse (thanks for that one, Amy).
4. Amy Brookheimer (Last week: 1)
As Ben asked: how's not being campaign manager not working out for Amy? Well, she's realized she hangs out with Selina more than any of her friends (which means Selina's her BFF, right?). And when Amy said, "Underneath all of the work tension, I'm very relaxed," we wanted to believe her, we really did.
5. Gary Walsh (Last week: 5)
Gary is definitely Ray-curious. But aren't we all?
6. Kent Davison: (Last week: 7)
Kent almost saved the day, switching Selina's D.O.A. jobs announcement to a harmless (or so everyone thought) Q&A. If only Minna Häkkinen hadn't been there to thwart the whole thing.
7. Ben Cafferty: (Last week: 6)
Ben once wrote a sound bite so good it made even the police horses cry. Now that's impressive.
8. Sue Wilson (Last week: 8)
Sue doesn't make time-tables. She writes poems.
9. Jonah Ryan (Last week: 4)
Jonah actually had a competent week, can you believe it? He pulled off a successful leak of Selina's gun comment and scooped Mike on the Maddox/Meyer handshake. Whichever nine-year-old boy was inside operating Jonah's levers this episode, he deserves some credit.
10. Catherine Meyer (Last week: N/A)
Did you see that punch? Talk about a K.O. Did anyone else get their face on a t-shirt this week? Didn't think so.
Correction: We originally referred to the character of Minna Häkkinen as the ex-prime minister of Finland's wife. She is the ex-prime minister of Finland.