Justin Bieber is a person of many talents: he can sing, dance and expertly annoy the world without breaking a sweat. But Bieber also really, really, really desperately wants his adoring public to belieb he's good at sports. Videos of Bieber hoopin' make up as much of the pop star's Instagram feed as selfies and pictures of random girls and friends. Bieber helped Floyd Mayweather walk out to the ring for his successful title fight against Marcos Maidana in Las Vegas Saturday night, and he bowled with Super Bowl-winning quarterback Russell Wilson on Sunday. Bieber loves sports, but whether he's any good at them is the question we want to answer.
Let's look back at the available GIFtory, that is, a history of GIFS that show Justin Bieber's many SportsCenter-worthy highlights through the ages, to see which sports Bieber excels at, and the ones in which his accomplishments are a little juiced. Bieber's favorite sports are allegedly basketball and hockey, and plenty of videos exist showing him excel at both, but he also occasionally skateboards and kicks around a soccer ball. Let's start with the latter and work our way back.
6) Justin Bieber's World Cup Moment
Back in 2011, a still-baby-faced Bieber was invited to train with the no-talent hacks who make up FC Barcelona's starting side. Hacks like Carlos Puyol, Xavi, David Villa, Andres Iniesta, and Lionel Messi, just some of the best players in the world. The squad released a video of Bieber's finer moments on the pitch with Barca. He seems to have a solid shot and can decently handle the ball fairly well, even if the defense is practically asleep. At least he's dressed appropriately, which will become an issue later in his athletic career:
4) Justin Bieber Kickflips Into Your Heart
Justin Bieber can skateboard. He's better on four wheels than, say, Lil Wayne, whose skating credentials are dubious, at best. Bieber uploaded a video of himself hitting a lazy kickflip in Venice Beach, California Tuesday morning, which was fascinating for no apparent reason, and inspired this entire post. But diving back into his Instagram feed, I was shocked to discover videos of Bieber successfully landing more difficult tricks than a kickflip.
Bieber loiters around a skate park fairly often, like the dirtbag teen he is. In this video we see Bieber stick what is called a "blunt" on a miniramp, which is about ten
times harder than it looks. In this, Bieber lands a terrible varial kickflip, a fakie kickflip, a 180, and then another kickflip that doesn't look like it's going to work out. The varial kickflip was the hardest trick Bieber attempted and, frankly, it sucked. But Bieber clearly practices his skateboarding! His fakie kickflip is sketchy — the board doesn't make a full rotation before hitting the ground — but his attempt is noble, at least. He's not that bad, to be honest. Bieber will never compete at the X-Games but, as a hobby, he's slowly getting better on his board.
3) Justin Bieber Snowboarding Is Real Sad
2) Bieber and His Questionable Canadian Roots
Bieber is at his most Canadian and his most Bieber when he laces up a pair of skates. Or when he poses with the Stanley Cup. Either way, hockey clearly brings out the best in him, in that Bieber can be entertainingly obnoxious and hilarious. But don't be confused — Bieber is terrible at hockey. In this video, Bieber plays a scrimmage with a club team in harem pants and a gold chain. Remember what we said about appropriate equipment? The kid can skate well, I'll give him that. Any coach worth their salary would yell at Bieber for his inability to backcheck on defense and receive an easy outlet pass on a breakout, though. If these were tryouts, Bieber would be the first to get cut. Bieber should stick to awkwardly shimmying to French Montana in skates — he could revolutionize ice dance at the next Olympics:
1) Justin Bieber's And 1 Mixtape Tour
Justin Bieber's biggest sports lie is that he is in any way a talented basketball player. Remember the time he sorta maybe crossed up Steve Nash? (Nash looks sleepier than Sunday morning.) Or the time Young Money label boss Mack Maine was just as ineffective on defense while Bieber endlessly crossed the ball between his legs?
Stop trying to convince us you're a basketball player, Biebs. Bieber has made a habit of posting videos in which he pretends like it's 2002 and he's on the And 1 Mixtape tour, streetballing his way around defenders, who just so happen to be about as effective as Roy Hibbert. His greatest lie was this Instagram video of Bieber embarrassing Scooter Braun, his manager, with the least-convincing behind-your-opponent's-back crossover ever recorded on video. That arms-outstretched "wha happened?" pose is fooling 0.0% of people, Scoot. Greg Louganis gave you a 10 for that dive.