There are very few times in this life when everything seems to align just right. Last night's episode of The Daily Show was one of those times: we got Jon Stewart, Bill O'Reilly, and Beyoncé all in one segment. Cherish this.
The news that brought us to this point is a certain Fox News anchor's obsession with a three-syllable word that starts with B. "No, [not Benghazi], but I can see where you might've gotten that impression," Stewart said. "It's a different three-syllable B-word." Beyoncé.
Because, you see, O'Reilly criticizes Beyoncé for her suggestive lyrics ("libertine in tone" is how O'Reilly puts it), arguing that her songs inspire teens to copulate and get pregnant and all that jazz. It's a classic O'Reilly move. If you ignore for a moment that this is completely idiotic, it's actually quite beautiful.
"There is very little in this world that I like better than an upset Bill O'Reilly. It's Levittown cut with a soupçon of Harvard served on a delicious bed of nostalgic judgmentalism," Stewart said.
Why is O'Reilly so obsessed with Ms. Knowles? "Now, a cynic may think that the seven times our friend William has recently showcased Beyoncé's disturbing sexiness on his program was merely an excuse to run provocative b-roll to perhaps provide his elderly viewership with much-needed disapproval boners," Stewart explained.
But if you think about it, O'Reilly has it all wrong. He should actually be celebrating Beyoncé's new songs. Stewart explains "Partition": "That song is about two married, incredibly successful, independent entrepreneurs with a child, in a stable relationship, enjoying one of the sacraments of marriage in the back of a luxurious automobile. If that's not a conservative utopia, I don't know what is."
There you have it.