Today in celebrity gossip: Jon Hamm does not care for Justin Bieber, alleged Brian Singer victim names more names, and GOOP may be going out of business.

That weirdly unpleasant sensation swirling around your heart and head is due to what's known as pop culture dissonance, when two worlds that you'd never expect to collide finally do. In this case, the forever perfect star of austere period nightmare Mad Men has broken his legendary silence about The Little Prince for the Juggalo set, Justin Bieber. Here's what Jon Hamm had to say about the, uh, entertainer in a recent interview with Men's Fitness:

Look at Bieber or whoever. You’re like, ‘What the f**k, man? What are you doing? Why?’ There’s no one telling those people no, and it’s a shame. [He should have] a mom or a dad or a really good friend who can say, ‘Hey, sh**head!’ You see people in the world and you’re like, ‘Do you know how a washing machine works? Do you know how to wash a dish? Life skills are something we’re missing… just s**t you needed to learn in life. There used to be a class that kids had to take in high school called home economics, which was cooking and sewing and just s**t you needed to learn in life.

First off: Dang. Justin Bieber just got TOLD. And it's not like he got told by some other forgettable C-list hater, he got told by Jon Hamm. That's a mandate for introspection right there. But it's still kind of a bummer to know that Bieber is on Hamm's radar at all. Couldn't we just compartmentalize these two disparate corners of pop culture just a little longer? What's next, Lupita Nyong'o having beef with Nancy Grace? Not everything has to mix! [BuzzFeed]

The troubling story of Michael Egan, the now-31-year-old man currently accusing director Bryan Singer of having raped him at 15, just grows more troubling by the day. First there was the detailed lawsuit, then the emotional press conference, and now Egan has named three more Hollywood power players to the list of men who assaulted him nearly 15 years ago. TMZ reports that the three new alleged abusers are Garth Ancier, David Neuman, and Gary Goddard. Ancier is one of the most powerful men in Hollywood, having headed up programming for Fox, NBC and The WB (soon to merge into The CW). Neuman used to run Disney TV ,and Goddard is a TV and theater producer. According to the suit, Ancier assaulted Egan on the level that Singer did, which included forced sex and druggings, while Goddard and Neuman are implicated as being part of a larger "Hollywood sex ring [that] sexually assaulted him at the Encino estate and in Hawaii." According to Egan's lawsuit, a major reason behind his inability to escape these repeated assaults (and why he agreed to travel with these men to far-off destinations even after the abuse began) was that they allegedly claimed absolute power over his career and well-being, and the resumes of these alleged abusers would seem to confirm that they were indeed legitimately powerful. Anyway, no matter how the legal proceedings shake out (which at this point will be limited to civil lawsuits), Egan has now publicly accused four very wealthy, powerful, and connected men of career-ruining transgressions, which is an undeniable act of bravery. At the very least hopefully this case will give pause to all the legit monsters forever prowling around Hollywood. Maybe? Fingers crossed? [TMZ]

Well, this is one way to make up for getting paid in college credit: A former studio intern has been accused of stealing over 50 of Jay Z's original master recordings and attempting to extort him for $110,000 in order to get them back. But whoa, hey, before you jump to conclusions about how wrong that former intern was for doing this, keep in mind the recordings are worth more than $30 million, so $110,000 is a very good deal! Haha just kidding, this person is obviously trash. Also the plan seemed particularly lunkheaded in that the intern allegedly emailed Jay Z's headquarters Roc Nation to alert them that the recordings were being stored in a facility in Northridge for some reason, and he simply needed the $110,000 to prevent the site's owners from auctioning off the storage locker in a Storage Wars scenario or something. Anyway, didn't work, the police were called, and those recordings (which included almost a whole new album's worth of songs) have been "taken into evidence." Which hopefully means "evidence room dance party." Treat yourselves, officers! [Page Six]

Apparently giving women unsolicited advice on how to spend $30,000 on a Me Day isn't the soundest business model? According to the always accurate, never speculative* Radar Online (*Opposite Day only) Gwyneth Paltrow's personal lifestyle portal GOOP may be attempting to consciously uncouple from existence! First the company CEO Sebastian Bishop unceremoniously left the company under the cover of darkness, which, in this case 'darkness' would mean Gwyneth Paltrow's divorce. And now financial documents reveal that the site has lost over $300,000 in the past two years and that's after generating almost $1.5 Million from product sales, commissions, and "Groupon promotions." Its bottom line-threatening expenditure was, you guessed it, Gwyneth Paltrow's paycheck, which along with the former CEO's salary totalled $587,653.25. Apple gotta eat! So now the question remains: Will Paltrow's thirst for cold hard cash overpower her thirst to condescend to common women? Stay tuned. [Radar Online]

All right, enough depressing celebrity business nuggets. Let's get into the far more delightful subject of who's dating whom! First up, your mom's favorite actor Richard Gere has been revealed to be dating your dad's favorite reality show host, Padma Lakshmi! According to Page Six's source, the former Mr. Cindy Crawford and the former Mrs. Salman Rushdie (and current host of Top Chef) have somehow held onto this shaken ant farm we call human existence and found each other through the chaos: "They have been quietly spending some time together. It is all very new and recent, and happened while he has been filming in New York." Meanwhile, love has been brewing between two walking columns of sentient protein powder, Superman himself Henry Cavill and former MMA champion Gina Carano. Carano, of course, was last seen beating everybody up in Fast & Furious 6, while Henry Cavill was last seen looking like this:

 

We should probably all be concerned about the prospect of these two procreating and starting some kind of army. Other than that, truly congratulations, everybody! [Page Six, Page Six]

To what extent are you turned on by the knowledge that Parks & Recreation's Chris Pratt can do this to Anna Faris' hair?

Meanwhile Nick Jonas has been working out again, which means his Instagram account is about to start getting good:

Here's Taylor Swift on the beach, once again fighting the urge to just march directly under the waves.

Don't do it, girl! But also, man, that beach does look pretty great. Let's all go there right now, okay? Okay.