Today in celebrity gossip: Cameron Diaz hasn't worn deodorant in 20 years, Laura Prepon is NOT dating Tom Cruise, and Suri Cruise celebrated her 8th birthday at a sushi restaurant, obviously.

There's a weird psychological game of chicken played by many, many naturally attractive people in Hollywood: Just how unappetizing can they look or behave and still be incredibly sought-after? Usually that just means hunks foregoing showers for days on end or ladies hiring Rachel Zoe to style them, but what happens when an attractive person tries TOO hard to subvert their own beauty and becomes known for being just kinda gross and unappetizing always? Say their free-pass known as youthful exuberance long ago gave way to a wildly under-examined desperation and now they're appearing as themselves as Miss Hannigan in Annie remakes? Yes, we're talking now about The Cameron Diaz Story, and it's the tale of how a once widely beloved ingenue became the aggressively off-putting aunt we'd prefer to avoid at holiday parties. First there was Cameron Diaz's The Body Book, in which the multi-millionaire deigned to give common women advice about their bodies, including a chapter in which she got very bossy about how women should or should not groom intimate areas. Now she's telling E! Online that her pits are as raw as nature intended them: "I don't believe in antiperspirant. It's really bad for you. I haven't used it for almost 20 years." That's right, not since The Mask has Cameron Diaz sought to mask her body odors. And lest you think she's merely talking about female armpits, think again, fellas: "Let it go and just trim your armpit hair so it doesn't hold onto the scent." Oh, is that all it takes? Or should we also have a full-staff on hand to give us head-to-toe lavender-scented scrubbings every hour on the hour, or at least in between Pinkberry runs with Drew Barrymore? So, anyway, yeah: At this point I legit don't know anything else about Cameron Diaz except that I don't really want to know anything else about Cameron Diaz. [E! Online]

Last week, the terribly believable rumor that Tom Cruise had snared Laura Prepon as his next bride-victim spread through the internet like particularly clingy thetans. And for good reason! She's a statuesque, reasonably popular actress who, unlike Nicole Kidman or Katie Holmes before her, had the added advantage of already being a Scientologist. The rumor really gained steam when coupled with the rumored circumstances by which Prepon dropped out of most of Season 2 of Orange Is the New Black, which recalled the time Cruise forced Holmes to drop out of Factory Girl. Not to mention her sudden avoidance of the buzzed-about Netflix series whiffed of the homophobia found in various L. Ron Hubbard texts. But listen up: Laura Prepon is NOT dating Tom Cruise and she's frankly ticked that anyone thinks she is. This, according to an interview she gave to something called SheKnows.com:

It's just so funny that, when people don't know, they just make stuff up, [like], apparently I'm dating Tom Cruise right now. And apparently he doesn't want me doing the show because I portray a lesbian and I'm a Scientologist. This is false; where are they even getting this stuff? It's unbelievable to me.

Pretty definitive denial! Except for being a Scientologist, she was not denying that. In fact, the rest of her interview actually functions as a bit of proselytizing for the Church of Scientology (oh, is THAT what she knows dot com?), so click on over there if you want to read yet another vague, baffling endorsement of the belief system that is sweeping a nation. (It is not sweeping any nations.) [Us Weekly]

It's the kind of birthday party any 8-year-old dreams of: sushi at an exclusive New York hot spot. That's right, progeny of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes, Suri Cruise, celebrated her birthday like any child of famous people should, at the "upscale, celeb-beloved sushi eatery Nobu Next Door." Us Weekly's report doesn't specify what variety of sashimi or specialty rolls Suri ordered, but I'm guessing cuttlefish, eel, and seabream. Eight-year-olds LOVE seabream. "The mother-and-daughter pair was joined by loved ones as Suri was presented with a dessert topped with a candle." But WHAT dessert was it? Foie gras truffle cake? Turkish delight? Lingonberry tart? Deconstructed black licorice? An eight-year-old's flavor palette knows no bounds! [Us Weekly]

File these two items under: Wait, Wasn't That Common Knowledge? Daniel Franzese, the actor who played the "too gay to function" Damian in Mean Girls over ten years ago, officially came out as gay yesterday. Charmingly enough, he did it in a letter to his former character. Sure, Franzese maybe overstates things when he refers to Damian as "an iconic character" and his letter gets pretty dark when he blames Damian for "ruining" his career and personal life for several years, but still. Congratulations, Daniel Franzese, may you finally find happiness and may your laughable internalized homophobia be a relic of the past. Meanwhile, Matt Bomer revealed that he has been legally married to his partner Simon Halls for the past three years. Not sure how this is newsworthy considering the pair have an 8-year-old son and 6-year-old twins, but still. Matt Bomer has informed Details magazine that he is legally married and that is that. [Us Weekly, Us Weekly]

Josh Hartnett, an actor who has appeared in numerous movies while maintaining an air of utter anonymity, has advice for young actors just starting out in the biz: Don't date your co-stars. "I don't recommend it to young actors... But when you work with somebody every day, it's like trial dating. You develop a fantasy about them. It doesn't always work out, does it?" Hartnett doesn't name names, but E! seems to think he's referring to old flame Scarlett Johansson, with whom he appeared in The Black Dahlia. But come on, surely we can comb his resume for more options, right? What about Michelle Williams in Halloween: H20 or Leelee Sobieski in Here on Earth? Shannyn Sossamon from 40 Days and 40 Nights? Piper Laurie from The Faculty? Or maybe Kathleen Turner in The Virgin Suicides? Just so many options! [E! Online]

Oh, look, here's Robert DeNiro's very perfect first attempt at making a Vine video:

Meanwhile, Justin Bieber is the worst thing to happen to Japan since Mothra:

And finally, here's The Vampire Diaries' Steven R. McQueen hanging out with One Direction's Harry Styles. Deal w/it: