As every avid Scandal watcher knows, our beloved show is melodramatic, predictable and kind of not that good. But still, we watch, and each increasingly over-the-top episode tends to hit the same marks. The "OMG" moment, the monologue to end all monologues and the super risky moment when Olivia Pope drinks a glass of wine in white silk pajamas — these are the things we've come to love about the show. Each Friday, we'll update our Scandal checklist and assess how ridiculous our Thursday night was. Spoilers ahead!
Since this is the inaugural checklist, here's what we'll be looking for each week:
- OMG moment: This is the thing everyone is talking about on Friday.
- Drinking red wine in white clothes: A bold choice, but not too bold for a gladiator.
- Mellie being better than everyone else: She is, and once an episode she proves it.
- Badly costumed flashback: Nothing beats Cyrus Beene's wig, but some things come close.
- An over-the-top monologue: Another Scandal staple.
- Good couple moment: As we've discussed, most of the couples on Scandal are awful, destructive and abusive. But some aren't!
- Bad couple moment: But most are.
- A dumb plot line that won't go away: No one likes Quinn. No one cares about Harrison. Jake is the leader of a shadowy government agency and he's still boring. And yet.
- Tweet that sums up the episode: Scandal has a devout Twitter following, and there's usually at least one tweet that sums up what we all went through last night.
"Kiss Kiss Bang Bang"
OMG Moment: James, Cyrus Beene's press secretary husband and the least corrupt human being in the Scandal universe, is dead. Last week ended with the massive cliff hanger of whether Jake killed him or David Rosen did. It's okay to wish it had been David.
Red wine in white clothes: No time for wine this week. Olivia was too busy teetering on the edge of a nervous breakdown.
Honorable mention: Mellie and Andrew getting drunk and talking about gun control. Mellie tries to compare gun control to ordering drinks at a bar. "Blood Marys kill far more people than guns. 'Bartender, I'd like a beer.' 'Yes ma'am, that'll be five bucks, come back in three days.'" Then they have sex, because alcohol + sexual tension = drunken sex everyone will pretend to regret next week.
Mellie being better than everyone else: Regardless of your stance on gun control (Mellie basically thinks guns should be sold in grocery stores, next to the liquor aisle) she won 5th place at the junior world championships of shooting stuff, and she's a really good shot. So four people were better than her, but close enough.
Badly costumed flashback: This week's flashbacks were all about the snarky blossoming of James and Cyrus's endless love. We'll let the characters speak for themselves.
"Piece of advice, James, if you want to play with the big dogs, dress the part." — Cyrus
"You really think I'm going to take fashion advice from a guy with a neck beard?" — James
Over-the-top monologue: Olivia makes the devastatingly dumb choice to seek out her dad for some father-daughter time. Papa Pope explains what the point of democracy and freedom are when no one is wearing white hats:
183. That's the number of people I'm responsible for killing. Not the number I've killed, the number I'm responsible for... I know all of their names, I know how old they were, if they have children, if they would be missed ... the responsibility of that, the gravity of that, it marks me, it stains me, it never leaves me. ... and there is, incidentally, a point. If there is no white hat, if the deck is always stacked, and if everyone you love is a monster, there is in fact someone worth saving. Everyone! Everyone is worth saving!
And it's Olivia's job to save them. Good talk.
Dumb plot line that won't go away: Huck goes to kill Quinn. Quinn spits in his face. Huck kisses her. It's the romance no one wanted.
Bad couple moment: Jake and Olivia's fake romance ranked slightly higher than Olivia and Fitz's "painful, difficult, devastating," and emotionally manipulative love... but then he killed James and threatened to kill Olivia if she messed with his B-613. So.
Good couple moment: This whole episode was a tribute to James, and how loving James was the only redeeming quality Cyrus has (corny, but it's true). But the best scene was, without a doubt, when Cyrus is sitting alone at Fitz's inauguration ball, sulking because he didn't want to "flaunt" his relationship. Then he sees Fitz and Mellie laughing together and realizes "This is so dumb. If my adulterous boss who can barely even stand his wife gets to dance with someone, why am I standing here by myself?" or something along those lines.
So Cyrus grabs James and dances with him while everyone is "shocked." And by shocked, we mean people kind of glance over and no one cares.
Tweet that sums up the episode:
I'm sobbing. #Scandal— Ellen DeGeneres (@TheEllenShow) March 21, 2014