Today in celebrity gossip: Somebody found a purported list of Lindsay Lohan's famous hookups, Taylor Swift does not approve of Selena Gomez rekindling things with Justin Bieber, and Shailene Woodley continues to be terrific.

In a slip-up that reflects either Lindsay Lohan's unapologetic trashiness or her straight-up awesomeness, it appears the beleaguered starlet accidentally left a handwritten list of all her Hollywood conquests in a hotel bar! Fortunately a "source" retrieved it and reported back to InTouch:

The presumably non-famous conquests have been blurred out, but the remaining names are undeniably noteworthy. Some are obvious (Wilmer Valderrama, Colin Farrell, Adam Levine) while others are eyebrow-raising (Joaquin Phoenix, Heath Ledger, James Franco) and others are just, uh, enviable (Nico Tortorella, Evan Peters, Jamie Dornan, Zac Efron, Garrett Hedlund). Oh, plus Justin Timberlake. (But no Samantha Ronson?) According to whomsoever found the list, Lohan and her friends had been "giggling and talking s--- about people in the industry" while Lohan "jotted down name after name" and occasionally pausing "as if she had to remind herself of who they were." Perfect. The story just seems very perfect, is the thing. Has there ever been a scenario so easy to imagine? The problem is that without this unnamed source's preternatural ability to overhear entire conversations and recount them verbatim to InTouch Weekly, it's really just a list of names. If Lohan DID write it, who's to say it wasn't part of some kind of party game (why the numbered ballot?), or even a Mash-game style list, like the ones we wrote out in the school yard? Anyway, at this point it's all speculation and that's where it should remain. Because man, that is an excellent list. Again, those names are VERY believable as people who have slept with Lindsay Lohan. (TOO believable?) Anyway, congratulations everybody, but especially to Lindsay Lohan. Maybe her upcoming memoir WILL be worth the read. [E! Online, InTouch Weekly]

Let it be known that part of being besties with Taylor Swift means that she gets full veto power over your love life. Unfortunately, Selena Gomez seems to have forgotten this crucial clause in their friendship contract. and in getting back together with Justin Bieber she's earned the full strength of Swift's coldest shoulder! According to a source, "Swift is disgusted that the pair are back together" and has now "started distancing herself" from the former Wizards of Waverly Place actress. But apparently there had already been trouble in Swift-Gomez paradise dating back to the time Gomez sparked "a brief romance with the Grammy winner's pal Ed Sheeran last June" to make Bieber jealous. And it can't be a coincidence that after Grammy-winning singer Lorde called out Gomez for her hit song's unintentionally misogynistic lyrics she began palling around with Swift, can it? Anyway, shocker: Teenage girls behave like teenage girls. Even when those teenage girls are 24. [Us Weekly]

Few things are as unsettling as the way we've begun to collectively fall out of love with Jennifer Lawrence, but if we need a celebrity "It" girl rebound, it appears Shailene Woodley is ready and willing to provide us that steady high of delightful soundbites. While out promoting her upcoming film Divergent, the 22-year-old actress has been giving tons of interviews and managing to say fresh and even interesting things to each outlet, an art for which Jennifer Lawrence is a poet laureate basically. In this case, Woodley spoke about why her new YA adaptation sends a good message while also putting Twilight on blast:

Twilight, I'm sorry, is about a very unhealthy, toxic relationship. She falls in love with this guy and the second he leaves her, her life is over and she's going to kill herself! What message are we sending to young people? That is not going to help this world evolve.

Sure, it's easy for you and me to be like, "No duh, Stephenie Meyers' retrograde Mormon wet dreams are arguably worse for impressionable girls' brains than the Bangerz tour," but it's still rare hearing it from someone whose exact demographic turned the series into a hit. It's even more rare for a working actress to come out swinging against such a huge entertainment property. Shailene Woodley, you are doing it right. (Also, The Spectacular Now is so good, you guys.) [Us Weekly]

Celebrated scandal sheet TMZ continues its sure-to-be Pulitzer-winning coverage of the Johnny Carson sex tape with not one but TWO big updates! First off, the increasingly creepy circumstances surrounding its possible sale: The tape's shadowy, mysterious purveyor has requested that all serious bidders deposit "huge offerings" into an escrow account before prospective buyers can even view the footage. Further, "the winning bidder must sign a document saying it cannot be sold commercially -- it's solely for a private collection." Which, as far as you and your grandmother are concerned, means it's the end of the road for our interest in this weird, unsavory news item. Why should we care about this if we won't ever see the fully operational genitalia of a venerated American broadcasting icon! Anyway, the second item is the update we've all been waiting for: Yes, Joan Rivers has personally handled Johnny Carson's junk. Or, at least she's fully willing to tell jokes to that effect to a nosy TMZ camera. But for real, the video is worth watching if only for the bit at the end where Joan Rivers is autographing a picture of herself and asks who the man sitting next to her in the photograph is and it's Pauly Shore! Classic Joan. [TMZ, TMZ]

Sad news for a very specific fanbase: Matt and Amy Roloff, the husband and wife at the center of TLC's long-running series Little People, Big World, have decided to separate after 26 Years of marriage. The diminutive yet formidable farmers had dealt with family problems before, including Matt's drinking problem and subsequent DUI conviction and the usual drama that comes from raising four teenagers. In a notably heartbreaking quote, Amy admits that the separation isn't going to be the amicable, aggressively chill endeavor that most celebrity separations tend to seem like:

I think what Matt and I failed to do over many, many years was learn to live together. It's not my choice for him to leave. I am saddened by it. It's been 26 years. We don't have a plan for how we're going to work this out, so it's not going to be easy.

Now please watch TLC's hourlong special devoted to the Roloffs' separation, airing March 25th on TLC!!!!!!! [Us Weekly]

Here is just a charming video of Tonight Show host Jimmy Fallon clownin' around with Jon Hamm on the rooftop of 30 Rockefeller Plaza. Would YOU be mad if these two photobombed YOUR family photos? Probably not.