Today in celebrity gossip: Lady Gaga's SXSW performance was unexpectedly disgusting, Lindsay Lohan did not do a great job on 2 Broke Girls, and Seth Rogen still does not care for Justin Bieber.

After recent allegations that her charitable foundation had spent only about $5,000 out of its $2.1M in donations on actual charitable enterprises, Lady Gaga has responded the best way she knows how: By allowing a nearly naked woman to vomit fluorescent green fluid onto her during a live performance! BuzzFeed has a lurid, .gif-heavy recreation of the incident, so if your constitution is feeling particularly steely this day then by all means click on over to it. But here's the gist: At some point during her SXSW performance, Lady Gaga began banging on a drum set while a woman clad in a fishnet top and electrical tape over her nipples downed a bottle of fluorescent green paint, then walked over and gagged herself with a finger until she threw up directly onto Lady Gaga. Because ART. The paid-vomiter then proceeded to chug black paint whereupon she vomited that onto Lady Gaga as well, and the two began to scissor atop a mechanical bull. Just a pretty typical SXSW performance, really. But Lady Gaga's act was particularly notable in that it came shortly after her history-making keynote speech, for which she was one of the youngest ever speakers at SXSW as well as the first female speaker in 15 years. But anyway, yeah, obviously this was a repulsive and line-crossing moment in her increasingly desperate-seeming career, but maybe we should be more sympathetic toward Lady Gaga? In a year when a former Disney star is currently bringing the biggest sense of care-free, self-consciously ludicrous showmanship to our nation's arenas, it's gotta be hard for the old guard to keep up. How can Lady Gaga possibly compete with Miley Cyrus these days? Vomit, that's how. Oh well, it's the thought that counts, Lady Gaga, but right now your thoughts are repulsive. Better luck next album cycle! [BuzzFeed]

We're talking about Lindsay Lohan a lot lately, mostly because she is a genius at making us talk about her. Allegedly on the redemption part of her journey after completing a rehab stint and remaining sober ever since, Lohan also threw herself on the sacrificial altar that is the Oprah tell-all interview (and subsequent reality series). But if you had a sneaking suspicion that Lohan has been enjoying this good press a little too much without actually putting in the hard work necessary to earn back the public's respect, you may feel vindicated by this story: Lohan's comeback role on 2 Broke Girls is not going well! According to a "no-holds barred blog post by a member of the live audience" who attended the episode taping, Lohan just could not get her lines right. "Lindsay had a lot of trouble stringing together the various permutations required... the lines were reduced and reduced." But according to the writer, this may not have had to do with Lohan's inability to memorize lines as much as some actual, physical constraints:

There she was... Lips so plumped out she couldn’t really get them open because of her botox which also caused her to have trouble pronouncing certain words. Of course she won’t be able to pronounce anything if she keeps smoking because her voice is rapidly disappearing into some type of screaming smoking raspy hell hole.

Yikes! Not a very kind write-up in my opinion. The entire, mean-spirited thing is worth a read if you're into schadenfreude. But yeah: For as much as the general public wants--craves--a full-on Lindsay Lohan-at-the-top-of-her-game comeback, it's increasingly likely it will never, ever happen. The whole "but she's so talented" defense may no longer be applicable.  Sorry, everybody.  [Daily Mail]

You may recall the day Justin Bieber was arrested for allegedly drag racing a borrowed Lambo while under the influence in Miami and anyone with a Twitter account cracked wise. Seth Rogen, though, may have won that online game of Dozens with his short, but simple missive "All jokes aside, Justin Bieber is a piece of s---." Lots of people were taken aback by the harshness of that line, particularly because Seth Rogen seems so easy-going! But in case you were wondering if he regrets saying that, please be advised that no, no, he does not. Appearing on Andy Cohen's special live SXSW edition of his nigh-unwatchable Bravo talk show, Rogen clarified his thoughts on Bieber: "In my opinion, Justin Bieber is a piece of s---. He seems like he’s obnoxious and ungrateful, insincere, and he puts people’s lives at danger and overall he acts like a piece of s---." There you have it. Seth Rogen definitely believes that Justin Bieber is a piece of s---. Please grab onto this peace of mind and hold it with both hands and never let it go. [Us Weekly]

The title of Page Six's source story is "Emmy Rossum gets temporary tattoo at edgy art gala" and upon further reflection that title honestly says it all. Emmy Rossum attended an "edgy art gala," whatever that means, and demonstrated her edginess by doing the edgiest thing possible: getting a "temporary tattoo." Just how edgy were these temporary tattoos you may be wondering? "Among 400 guests, Emmy Rossum and Cindy Sherman were spotted applying temporary tattoos by artist Wangechi Mutu with messages including 'Yo mama!'" THAT is how edgy. Wealthy caucasian women applying temporary tattoos that say "Yo mama!" Question: Is Emmy Rossum now TOO edgy, do you think? Has she perhaps sullied her sterling reputation with such uncouth tomfoolery? Some temporary tattoos could take hours, even days, to wash off. Is this the kind of role model we want our children exposed to? What's next, a spiky bracelet? A pink hair streak? It's brazen displays of ungodly accessorizing like this that will get this entire society swept to Hell someday. You'll see! [Page Six]

Riding a motorcycle says a lot about a guy. The #1 thing it says is that he is a cool dude. It says he don't give a care about safety and he WILL drive on lane lines and he might even toe up to a crosswalk at a red light, deal with it. If we're being honest, driving motorcycles is even edgier than getting a temporary tattoo at an art gala. But sometimes driving a motorcycle can have its risks. Helmet odor. Mismatched leather ensembles. Mid-air goose collisions. Or worst of all: Paparazzi photographing you while you wait for AAA to come fix your broken motorcycle. That last thing just happened to One Direction's bad boy frontman Harry Styles. While joyriding around Los Angeles on Wednesday his motor-bicycle went kaput! "He managed to get the bike over to the side of the road, but he still needed a lift home" so when AAA arrived, they strapped Styles' broken toy in the back and he "rode in the passenger seat of the truck." It's not yet clear if Harry Styles has been invited to join the Hell's Angels yet, but I'm guessing a formal invite is on the way. [E! Online]

Wow, a lot of these items have been negative or gross in some way, so let's try and end on something positive! Leave it to none other than Nicholas Sparks to whisk us away to more carefree (and photogenic) times with just a single, escapist tweet: