Earlier this week, the U.S. Supreme Court heard oral arguments in Sebelius v. Hobby Lobby Stores, the case in which a craft store chain is claiming the Affordable Care Act's birth control mandate violates its religious beliefs. You may be thinking that a private corporation suing over its religious beliefs sounds asinine. Jon Stewart explained last night that, well, indeed it is.
Not only is it the silliest sounding Supreme Court case, as Stewart said, "since 1950's Brown v. Board of Titty Farts," but Hobby Lobby's lawsuit is a thinly veiled attack on Obama's healthcare law as a whole, disguised as an assertion of religious rights. See, the craft store claims it is a corporation founded on biblical principles. You know, like that one time Jesus took up knitting:
Hobby Lobby believes that as a private company, it deserves the same religious freedom as a church or individual, and that the ACA's demand it provide contraception coverage to its employees violates that freedom. Because Hobby Lobby is an exceptionally pious corporation. "There would never be a case emanating from that other craft store, Michaels," Stewart said. "For god's sake, that place is a godless fuck palace with yarn."
The kicker about this whole case is that the government must accept Hobby Lobby's views on birth control at face-value, with no mind for accuracy. Stewart explained: "So let me get this straight, corporations aren't just people, they're ill-informed people, whose factually incorrect beliefs must be upheld because they sincerely believe them."
"What would a biblically-based insurance plan even cover?" Stewart asked.
Senior Legal Analyst Jordan Klepper had the answer: Along with leprosy, a plan would cover "stoning-related injury, flood damage. It's a great pre-modern medicine, first-century, biblically-based health plan that covers you from birth through your elderly years, which I believe is up to 36 years on this plan."