Today in celebrity gossip: James Franco disputes Lindsay Lohan's sexy claims, more details emerge about Zac Efron's skid row melee, and Liam Neeson will neither drink with you nor date you.

Like all historically important documents--the United States Constitution, the Declaration of Independence--Lindsay Lohan's handwritten conquest list deserves to be encased in bulletproof glass and displayed in the National Archives. It is that valuable to our society. And should the Good Lord ever see fit to bless us with a third National Treasure film, it's the intrigue surrounding this document that should send Nicolas Cage on a globe-trotting adventure of shouting and punching. Ever since In Touch Weekly's intrepid sources first snagged this written exercise in actor defamation we've been riveted anew by Lohan's pre-sobriety lifestyle and predilection for high quality beef, but now we're starting to hear from the alleged conquests themselves about it. James Franco, for example, is NOT happy about finding his name on that thing. The main reason? He never slept with her, at least according to an offhanded remark he made in his new interview with Los Angeles Magazine: "Lindsay... has told lies about me with her people-she's-slept-with list!" There you have it. The most interesting aspect to this whole list thing is how, in a deny-everything-always climate, Lohan has so far not attempted to refute the list's veracity. Not even a "oh, that wasn't a sex list, we were just playing a movie trivia game" or anything like that. Even here, in Franco's denial that he ever slept with Lohan, he casually confirms that he believes Lohan actually did handwrite a list of supposed conquests on a Scattergories scorecard and leave it in a hotel bar. It's just that the list is merely inaccurate. So it's official: 100% of us believe Lohan definitely made this list. Verified. Now let's preserve it forever and ever. [Us Weekly]

Oh hey, while we're talking about Lindsay Lohan, maybe you should go ahead and treat yourself to this clip of Lohan's recent appearance on Billy Eichner's great quasi-game show Billy on the Street. Yes, Lindsay Lohan helps destroy a Volvo adorned with the likenesses of the cast of How I Met Your Mother, and yes it's one of the most casually funny, good-sport things Lohan's done in years:

Yesterday we talked about Zac Efron's mysterious after hours altercation in L.A.'s skid row district, but today we're learning additional incriminating details from TMZ as well as what appears to be some major P.R. spin courtesy of E! Online. First, TMZ posted a scare-quote laden story about Efron's "bodyguard" and how the "bodyguard" is now claiming that Zac Efron was "a hero who risked his own life" to save him from the attacking hobos. More details furnished by this "bodyguard" claim that they'd been on a late night sushi run and also Efron never threw a bottle at the vagrants, he merely used a vodka bottle to fend off their attacks, and oh, by the way, the vagrants now had "a spear." TMZ being TMZ, though, they end the straightforward summary of the "bodyguard"'s account with a hilarious editorial twist: "BTW ... we checked, and the "bodyguard" has a criminal record for drugs and violence." But if you felt that TMZ's casual skepticism of Efron's account or their repeated inclusion of the word "drugs" in the URLs of their coverage was perhaps TOO cryptic, their next story should make things abundantly clear: According to Efron's friends "there's no doubt he's fallen off the wagon again." TMZ further adds that not only was the "bodyguard" "a convicted drug dealer who has been spending a lot of time with Zac recently," but Efron apparently never went to rehab last year after claiming publicly he'd gone twice. "Both times he went to a friend's house outside California and received private therapy --- but that's it." Yikes. Anyway, if you're only reading TMZ's coverage of this story, Efron's clearly wading into nightmarish territory when it comes to his personal demons. But if you read E! Online's coverage yesterday, it's all pretty hunky dory! "Zac Efron may have been allegedly involved in a physical altercation but things weren't serious enough to keep him from going out with his friends the following evening," where he enjoyed nachos and hot wings and was "very relaxed and laughing throughout [a comedy] show." E!'s story even walks back the skid row element, claiming instead that Efron ran out of gas "a few miles away from Skid Row," which is "not a known high crime area." Uhhhhhh-kay. They report, we decide, I guess. [TMZ, TMZ, E! Online]

Speaking of yesterday's Zac Efron story, big apologies to Nick Stahl, whom I mistakenly referred to as the "late Nick Stahl" in yesterday's writeup. While he did indeed disappear for a matter of days back in 2012 and had been spotted on skid row while in the throes of a serious drug addiction, he is still very much alive. I conflated him with the late actor Brad Renfro, who was arrested on skid row shortly before his overdose. So again, Nick Stahl is alive, I apologize for the error, and skid row + celebrities = drugs.

Yep, we're still talking about this too. Remember that $14M Malibu home Gwyneth Paltrow and Chris Martin purchased only a few weeks back? After word of the pair's "conscious uncoupling" began to spread it was assumed that Martin would make the home his bachelor pad, but nope! Apparently they bought the home with the full intention of cohabitation! The beach house apparently "includes two totally separate living spaces under one roof, so Paltrow and Martin can live together apart during their divorce." Man, this separation sounds chill as h*ck. Meanwhile, Cameron Diaz has finally broken her silence about her bestie's new age-y approach to separation: "I think it's actually a very elevated and conscious [decision] and realized statement... I'm so proud of them." Can you imagine having Cameron Diaz be proud of you for something, anything? Dare to dream. [Page Six, Us Weekly]

Title of post: "Liam Neeson Has Given Up Drinking and Isn't Dating." Body of post: SEE TITLE. [People]

Occasional Will.I.Am hype-woman Fergie recently turned 39 and just look at the cake her friends got for her! Yes, that is a shirtless photo of husband Josh Duhamel.

And finally, Susan Sarandon figured out how to take a fairly ordinary #TBT childhood photo and make it amazing with a single caption.

Oh, Susan!