Today in celebrity gossip: Jake Gyllenhaal definitely did inspire most of Taylor Swift's angstiest music, Melissa Joan Hart once tried drugs and made out with Ryan Reynolds, and Barbara Walters nicknamed her sex toy.
It's not clear why we're back to discussing Taylor Swift's relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal outside the context of a carefully orchestrated publicity blitz surrounding the release of a new Taylor Swift album, but here we are! Radar has finally, finally confirmed that Taylor Swift did indeed lose her virginity to the Bubble Boy star, only to later find herself devastated when he flaked on her 21st birthday party. As an ill-timed and questionably motivated insider explains, "Her breakup with Jake inspired every word of RED," and all those cryptic references to an "event" and "party dress" and "tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know," were about the time Gyllenhaal failed to fly to Nashville and attend her birthday party. Which, okay! That is an understandably terrible experience for 21-year-old who "thought she was going to marry" Jake Gyllenhaal and gave up her virginity to him for that reason. But how badly should we feel for a platinum-selling artist who seemingly pursues heartache with famous men in order to write universally relatable songs about it? Not very badly! If anything, true Swift fans should write a thank you note to Gyllenhaal for helping inspire their favorite, mundanely observational songs about a twenty-something woman's aggressively teenage emotions. You know? [Radar]
E! News' chief interrogator of possibly extraterrestrial origin Giuliana Rancic recently turned her truth extraction beam upon Melissa John Hart for some mildly lascivious revelations! Be warned, those of you with sensitive nostalgia triggers: The former star of Clarissa Explains It All and Sabrina the Teenage Witch was not as squeaky clean a teenager as you may have assumed! I mean, we're not exactly talking Lohan levels of debauchery, but still. In her interview with Rancic, Hart explained that she once did drugs the night before her very sexy Maxim Magazine lingerie photo shoot: "I was feeling a little shy. . . I actually ended up rolling with some friends, doing some ecstasy and going in a limo to my first Playboy Mansion party." Ah, what a terrible, shameful story. But lest you think Hart's life was all dark clouds and grim shadows, please be aware that it was not without its bright flashes of heartbeams. Like the time that Sabrina co-star Ryan Reynolds pursued her romantically with admirable persistence! Though Hart had a serious boyfriend, "the then 17-year-old actor gave her a Bulova watch on their last day of shooting," so Hart "chased him down, got in front of his car and just kissed him and then made out with him all night." For more mildly lurid and, let's be real, humblebraggy Melissa Joan Hart revelations, be sure and check out her memoir, Melissa Explains It All. Or don't! Nobody is the boss of you, not even Giuliana Rancic with her razor-sharp teeth and thirst for murder. [E! Online]
Well, the four-headed gorgon known as the hosts of The View is at it again! This week the creature's head that most resembles venerated newswoman Barbara Walters was goaded by the other three heads into admitting that she not only owns a vibrator, but she has a name for it: "You know what it's called? A selfie!" Leave it to an 84-year-old who remains alive strictly by drawing upon the life forces of those around her to misuse one of our generation's most honored photographic terms! So please, from now on, whenever you or a friend refers to a "selfie," please take a minute to visualize Barbara Walters' typical Friday night. It probably involves a bubble bath, sparkling pink wine, and Keith Sweat's "Twisted." [Us Weekly]
Rihanna may be enjoying some precious between-album downtime, but civil law takes no vacations. She's now being sued by a German visual artist for allegedly plagiarizing his work for her "S&M" music video, specifically the image of "a woman held to the wall in plastic, taped with large 'X'." But an interesting wrinkle in this accusation is that the same music video was the target of an earlier plagiarism claim by photographer David LaChappelle, who sued Rihanna in 2011 for the exact same reason. Can a single music video (and, let's be real, minor footnote in Rihanna's music video career) possibly warrant multiple plagiarism accusations? It appears so! LaChappelle ended up settling out of court, but this new claim by photographer Philipp Paulus will be decided in German court and could result in the video being "banned from YouTube and television." But don't worry about Rihanna, not everything is turning out badly for her these days! Only days after reporting that Rihanna nearly went broke in 2009 after the faulty advice of a financial planner, Page Six reports that she's now won a "multi-million dollar settlement" against that accountant's firm for convincing her make bad real estate investments. Thus concludes today's Rihanna Lawsuit Minute. [Page Six, Page Six]
Can't a pop singer whose existence depends upon celebrity news cycle's constant speculation about her personal life simply wear a ring on her ring finger without everyone assuming she's engaged? Question is rhetorical, because nope! Guys, listen: Katy Perry and John Mayer are NOT engaged. Sure, Perry's been sporting chunky, expensive hardware on a traditionally meaningful digit the past few times she's been in front of the camera's gaze, but "It's not true. They are not engaged," an "insider" insists. Please stop making wild assumptions about Katy Perry and John Mayer's engagement status, everybody. The two artists are currently enjoying a very private and personal romantic relationship that includes high-profile duets and joint interviews on national talk shows, but it is very out of line for anybody to speculate or care about whether they have discussed marriage or exchanged jewelry. Now you know. [Us Weekly]
One of life's basic principles is that whenever you are writing a daily gossip roundup and come across an Instagram video of Zac Efron moonwalking, you MUST include it. I choose to honor this rule.