Today in celebrity gossip: Justin Bieber's elegant lifestyle grows more sensual by the day, Peter Dinklage watched a man die, and Justin Guarini has kissed and told about Kelly Clarkson.
Would you care to learn the juicy celebrity gossip scoop contained in a TMZ article titled "JUSTIN BIEBER BANGING THAT HOOTERS WAITRESS AGAIN"? Then you've come to the right place. Basically, Justin Bieber has been banging that Hooters waitress again. The lucky (?) service industry worker in question is 22-year-old Jordan Ozuna, the same 22-year-old Jordan Ozuna who was previously spotted with Bieber last June in Las Vegas where the two were photographed "going indoor skydiving together ... and even kissing." And even kissing. Now the eagle-eyed sleuths at TMZ have determined that Ozuna's newest Instagram selfie was taken inside that weird spaceship-shaped home Bieber's currently renting in Atlanta, but you will just have to trust TMZ that the utterly generic white sheets Ozuna's lying atop are Bieber's: "We won't say how we know, but we know." Further damning evidence that Justin Bieber is banging that Hooters waitress again can be found in another photo from Ozuna's Instagram account, in a photo in which she and a friend frolic at Dave & Busters-- the same Dave & Buster's where Bieber had been playing skee ball that same night! So let there be no doubt about this naked truth most manifest: Justin Bieber is definitely, 100%, without a doubt banging that Hooters waitress again. [TMZ]
Here is a cute story: Peter Dinklage once watched a man die. But wait, don't call 911 just yet... Peter Dinklage didn't actually cause the man's death. Except, maybe he did? In an interview with Esquire, the Game of Thrones MVP recounted a harrowing experience just after filming The Station Agent in which a morning stroll down Los Angeles' Melrose Avenue led to a transformative glimpse into Death's reprehensible ways:
There was this guy on a motorcycle right in front of me. . . And he looked at me. He didn’t wave, but he looked at me, and then he pulled out into traffic and this car, like, boom—killed him instantly. . . I was the last person he saw on earth.
Dinklage goes on to describe waiting beside the man's lifeless body while somebody else called for help:
There was this quiet moment where it was like I was the only person in the world who knew this guy was dead. . . He was probably about twenty-five. He’d probably just had breakfast at the same place I was headed. And then he died. It’s like, he was robbed.
Now, you can be forgiven if the following morbid thought occurred to you: Was there a chance that the man on the motorcycle had been, um, distracted by Dinklage's, uh, atypical appearance? Because the Esquire interviewer definitely went there. Here's Dinklage's understandably alarmed response to that suggestion:
Oh, my God! Fuck you. How dare—Oh, Mike. I never thought of that before. This was supposed to be a story about how I actually connected with a stranger. Oh, fuck. Oh, man. Dude!
Somebody fax the Pulitzer Committee: This year's contest is OVER. Page Six has just published what must be the most stirring and exhaustively researched long-read of 2014. Entitled "Is Amber Heard the new Angelina Jolie?" this multi-part odyssey into the question of whether or not Amber Heard is the new Angelina Jolie will enrich your day like nothing else you will casually glance at with glazed eyes after a too-heavy lunch. It's that good. In my opinion, the author makes her case right away with the essay's most incontrovertible bombshell: Amber Heard one-upped Angelina Jolie by getting engaged to "the only A-lister cooler than Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp." BOOM. It's like, case closed. Amber Heard is definitely the new Angelina Jolie, no need to continue. YET CONTINUE IT DO. Section 2 of Page Six's dissertation is equally compelling: "Both ladies are accused of man-stealing." Section 3 admittedly goes off the rails a bit when it suggests that Jolie and Heard's previous relationships with women helped them land their men because these particular men are looking to explore their own androgyny? Something like that: "Often, when a man chooses a more androgynous woman, it helps him get in touch with his androgyny, as well." I don't know what on earth this means or in what universe Amber Heard or Angelina Jolie might be considered androgynous, but a psychologist said it, so it must be true. But the piece ends with an argument to end all arguments: Both actresses used to dress funky and now they dress pretty, and Heard may finally become successful now that she wears nicer outfits: "Just think of how opinions changed when Jolie switched from her all-Goth wardrobe to more regal clothes. Instant A-list!" Instant A-list. As you can tell, this piece is thoughtful as h*ck, unlike a similar, cobbled together garbage piece over at E! Online entitled "Is Anne Hathaway the New Tilda Swinton or David Bowie?" Come on, could E! be any lazier? Anne Hathaway is the next Liza Minnelli, and everybody knows it. [Page Six, E! Online]
The early 2000s were a time of tragedy, growth, and chunky highlights, but for one American Idol runner-up, it was a veritable Summer of Love. That's right, after a DECADE of rabid speculation, Justin Guarini has officially confirmed that yes, he and Kelly Clarkson once experienced a romance so hot it could heat a fire. Depending on which sentence of E!'s piece you believe more, their romance began either on the set of the camp insta-classic From Justin to Kelly OR it began backstage while the American Idol's first season was in full-swing. Even more salacious is Guarini's admission that he ALSO wooed fourth place finisher Tamyra Gray around the same time. It's unclear to what extent Season 1 co-host Brian Dunkleman factored into Guarini's sexual travails, but rest assured that if Guarini is willing to kiss and tell to this extent just to sell tickets to his new one-man show at the Bucks County Playhouse in New Hope, PA, then imagine what kind of stories he'll divulge when it hits Broadway! [E! Online]
As the Winter Olympics winds down with the sad, icy inevitability of a slowly melting snow cone, cast your mind back to a warmer, more summery, more British Olympics and the time we as a nation rallied around a possibly developmentally disabled himbo named Ryan Lochte! Weren't those great times? Bring them back. Anyway, maybe this Speedo selfie he just 'grammed will refresh your memory: