Today in celebrity gossip: Justin Bieber may be imbibing too much sizzurp, Katy Perry and John Mayer most likely broke up, and Allison Williams is engaged to a CollegeHumor founder.

Mostly sentient My Buddy Doll™ Justin Bieber has long been influenced by the career of Michael Jackson, from his choreography to his falsetto to his sequined stage attire to his showmanship and especially to his arrested development. But is there a chance the Prince of Pot is taking after the King of Pop in a much less savory way? According to "multiple friends involved in his life" Bieber's been "going harder than ever on sizzurp and weed" while sequestering himself at his new Atlanta headquarters. Jackson, of course, famously spent most of his leisure time out of his mind on painkillers and surgical-grade anesthesia until his overdose death in 2009. Sure, Bieber's vices might not be quite as serious, but the pathology sounds familiar: "He's 'constantly high' ... rarely leaving the house." Add to that his fondness for enablers ("People in Bieber's life that have confronted him about his drug use have been pushed away.") and it sounds like this narrative might not be headed in the best direction? It's probably too early to tell, and it's probably foolish to ever trust an anonymously sourced TMZ story, but still. Very little about Bieber's career hasn't been a cliché so far; let's hope it doesn't end with one as well. [TMZ]

Speaking of Justin Bieber (which the Federal Constitution mandates we must do), a pair of videos have been released from the night of his Florida arrest. In one of them, Bieber is seen walking the line in a field sobriety test (during which he either stumbles or just simply looks bored and apathetic) and another in which he does push-ups in his holding cell. They are both very boring, uneventful videos, yet these are the ones that he allegedly didn't want the public to see. Maybe Bieber knew they wouldn't be entertaining and was just exercising some quality control? How very thoughtful! Maybe he knows what he's doing with his life after all. [TMZ, TMZ]

Bad news if you chose "Forever" in your office pool of How Long Will Katy Perry and John Mayer's Relationship Last? Because it looks like they are already dunzo! ("Dunzo" is gossip-speak for "on the precipice of heartache and despair brought on by single life in an uncertain world.") Apparently a source "close to the pair" has informed E! Online that "Perry broke up with Mayer within the last few days." That rumor would seem to be confirmed by the moving truck seen idling outside Perry's home during that period. But don't worry, there were probably no crazy arguments or thrown plates or War of the Roses-style chandelier deaths, as a source told Us Weekly that the breakup was "extremely amicable" and "there's no bad blood between them." Guys, I don't even know what to tell you about this except I am REELING. If a sure-thing like a Katy Perry-John Mayer romance can't work out, then what hope do any of the rest of us have? Truly shocking stuff. [E! Online, Us Weekly]

Oh, but romance isn't entirely dead, you see. That cloud of tiny pink cartoon hearts floating above New York City right now are due to the new engagement of Girls' Allison Williams to CollegeHumor co-founder Ricky Van Veen! Van Veen popped the question after three years of dating, which is probably about the amount of time he needed to make sure that Williams is nothing like her on-screen character. Because holy moly, get it together Marnie! [Page Six]

There's nothing like some good, high-up fashion-industry shade, and this week none other than Vogue editor and next-level shade thrower Anna Wintour found herself the target. Legendary designer Giorgio Armani capped off Milan Fashion Week by giving a post-show press conference in which he put Wintour on blast for skipping his show. Without naming her specifically Armani openly complained that somebody "took an airplane, dumped Mr. Armani and went to Paris." And he did NOT think that Wintour's assistants filling in was a fair compromise: "If you go to see your dentist and he puts you in the hands of his assistant, what's your reaction?" He even went on to heavily imply that he might consider pulling his lucrative ads from Vogue: "She is influential and powerful. But, perhaps, I'm influential as well." For her part Wintour released a statement through a third party sorrrrta defending herself: "Unfortunately, with the fashion calendar now running for more than a month, there are some shows that Anna is not able to attend." At least one thing is clear from this high-fasion dust-up: Fashion people love to talk about themselves in the third person. Carry on, you glamorous cartoon people! [Us Weekly]

And now, something that will make you smile even harder than the time you saw an elderly woman fall into a mud puddle (which, come to think of it, that was a very mean thing for you to have laughed at! Where was your basic human decency??) Here is a segment from last night's Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon in which Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore sang a cute duet about starring in a movie together every ten years. (Bonus points for the Fever Pitch reference!) Yeah, it's  adorable:

Finally, something that may brighten your day even further: Tom Daley's bum, captured in the background of a selfie by one of his troublemaking friends. (Only click when bossman isn't looking.) Cheers!