Today in celebrity gossip: The former Seinfeld star had unkind things to say about The LEGO Movie, Justin Bieber changed his Instagram name to something ridiculous, and Sarah Silverman has a surprising new boyfriend.

Back in the more innocent and idealistic days of the early 2000s we might never have imagined that a feature film devoted to LEGO-brand toys would both exist AND become the buzzed-about hit of the winter. But that's how the world works now: Reboots, sequels, and feature-length advertisements for toys are now the norm and rather than continue fighting it we've come to accept them as normal and can now even appreciate their creative merits. One person NOT so eager to jump on The LEGO Movie's bandwagon (constructed from a Lego Technic™ set) is The Marriage Ref's Jerry Seinfeld. The occasionally talented former sitcom star recently took to Twitter to decry similarities he found between the movie's treatment of certain DC Comics characters and his own material, stating:

But Seinfeld's unkind words didn't stop there. As the man behind The Bee Movie and Seinfeld Season 9 continued:

Joining Seinfeld in disappointing late-career obsolescence is Ricky Gervais, who responded to Seinfeld's Tweet with this witty rejoinder:

Okay fellas, that oughta do it for today! [E! Online]

Justin Bieber, the Jim Henson Creature Shop's mean-spirited riff on suburban teenagers, is obviously in a publicity tail spin, but at this point his biggest transgression is just how boring and predictable his lapses have been. Sagging clothes and gold chains? Terrible tattoos? Graffiti and skateboarding and Kim Jong-Il sunglasses? And then Justin Bieber changed his name to "Bizzle" on Instagram. Millions of Bieber fans were baffled earlier this week when his previous monicker "Justin Bieber" brought up only a blank error page rather than the endless grid of uninteresting glimpses into Bieber's manifestly depressing life. (He has since switched back to his original Instagram handle, don't worry.) US Weekly reports that the "Bizzle" thing happened after Bieber posted photos with "hip-hop stars Diddy and Rick Ross last week, and rapper T.I. last weekend," so yeah: He was just trying to prove his street cred in the hackiest manner possible, don't worry. In further Bieber news, TMZ reports that Team Bieber is currently scrambling to prevent the release of footage of his jailhouse patdown following his Miami arrest last month. Aside from the obvious indignities of being asked to spread 'em and appearing in "various states of undress" on camera, apparently the footage also shows the borderline feral teenager urinating inside his holding cell for some reason. Oh, Justin Bieber. Will your insanely boring teen rebellion never end? [TMZ]

Shove it, Allen Ginsburg. Take a hike, Jewel. Maya Angelou, you are trash. There is a NEW poet in town and her name is Kristen Stewart. This week the former Twilight star and chill witch published some of her poetry in the celebrated underground poetry 'zine Marie Claire, and it is really something. Entitled "My Heart Is a Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole," the piece includes such lines as "I'll suck the bones pretty" and "I'm drunk on your morsels." Kristen Stewart's poem is perfect, basically, and it's proof once and for all that just because an actress spends most of her days looking bored and disheveled in interviews it doesn't mean she lacks a vivid inner life. Poetry can be a great outlet, especially when you're getting over a longtime boyfriend and co-star like Robert Pattinson, or, as Radar Reports, you're attempting to move past that one affair you had with the married director of Snow White and the Huntsman, Rupert Sanders. Although "My Heart Is a Wiffle Ball/Freedom Pole" doesn't specifically say so, maybe it's a cryptic and elegant exploration of how Stewart has decided to move on despite her former lover's still-burning flame for her? "Rupert, against all better judgement, still holds out hope that he and Kristen can get things going again, but he’s completely deluded – she would never put her career on the line like that again." Oh, poor Rupert Sanders. Perhaps the main thing he needs right now is a handwritten verse on purple lined paper lightly spritzed with CK One and titled "Goodbye, Dude." [E! Online, Radar]

File this under Not Really Our Business But Still Pretty Fun To Know! Comedian Sarah Silverman is dating the very excellent actor Michael Sheen (Masters of Sex). Us Weekly's source spotted the two "getting hot and heavy in West Hollywood" last Thursday, confirming rumors that began when Silverman and Sheen arrived together at Sheen's recent 45th birthday party. Sheen was formerly married to actress Kate Beckinsale, and of course Silverman was most famously linked to Jimmy Kimmel a long time ago. But again, that's other peoples' business! Haha just kidding, everything is everyone's business, I guess. I don't know. Congratulations to Sarah Silverman and Michael Sheen! [Us Weekly]

Taylor Swift got a haircut. That might not SEEM overtly newsworthy to you, but you have to understand that the lion's share of Taylor Swift fans seem to believe she is a celebrity embodiment of themselves, their emotions, and every experience they ever had in high school. Taylor Swift getting a haircut basically means THEIR VERY SOULS are getting a haircut. It's frankly incredible how well this 24-year-old singer, songwriter, and utter cipher has so perfectly mimicked a universal female teenage experience and aggressively laid claim to the emotional investment of people who should know better. Yet here we are. Taylor Swift got a haircut and the people care. However, in an Instagram video Swift recently posted (watch it below) during which she pans her camera across the room to lightheartedly make fun of how many people have assembled to watch her hair get chopped (a humblebrag to end all humblebrags), fans have noticed someone sitting in the background who bears a striking resemblance to Swift's ex-boyfriend, One Direction's Harry Styles! Well, that's what E! Online reported in a now-deleted story about it, anyway. Hollywood Life has debunked the idea that Styles was present, so don't worry, Taylor Swift is not hanging out amicably with her judiciously chosen ex-boyfriends. At least not today. [Hollywood Life]