Today in celebrity gossip: Drake is mad at Macklemore, Queens of the Stone Age are mad at Imagine Dragons, and Mariah Carey is mad at Nicki Minaj.
As an ancient sorceress once said, "Music makes the people come together." But that only applies to regular people like you and me, not super-famous musicians. If you are a super-famous musician, music will make you super mad all the time and you will get into more beefs than someone with a sexual fetish for hamburgers. In just the past few days roughly 100% of all musicians have been talking mad trash about each other in the press. Here are but a few examples!
You may recall the night of the Grammys (I don't, not any of it) when Grammy-winning rapper Macklemore Instagrammed a personal text message he'd sent to Grammy-loser Kendrick Lamar telling him that Lamar should have won instead of him. Macklemore presumably meant to appear humble while also acknowledging what everybody knew to be obvious: Kendrick Lamar was robbed. But most people agreed that it was very tacky for Macklemore to have done this, and that brings us to the reverberations of celebrity beef (reverbeefrations) STILL being felt from that incident... Drake just told Rolling Stone that Macklemore's actions were "wack as f**k"! But lest you think Drake was annoyed at Macklemore's lack of class, he was actually just mad that he didn't ALSO get an apologetic text: "To name just Kendrick? That s**t made me feel funny... No, in that case, you robbed everybody. We all need text messages!" Let this be a lesson to all multiple-novelty-song rappers in the future: If you have the audacity to steal a Grammy directly from the hands of actual legends, then make sure your thumbs are prepared to be texting all night. Macklemore has just learned this lesson the hard way. [Us Weekly]
Speaking of Grammy beef (Greef), closing act Queens of the Stone Age were famously cut off mid-song so that the over-running broadcast could bring us more airline ads. Nine Inch Nails' Trent Reznor (who'd opened that particular baffling medley) immediately expressed his animosity toward the producers with one pithy tweet. But this week Queens of the Stone Age frontman Josh Homme finally weighed in about that slight and, as expected, he was NOT happy about it. During a concert recently he joked from the stage that "this next song is by Imagine Dragons" before telling the booing audience, "No, f**k the Man, f*** Imagine Dragons and f*** the Grammys" to raucous applause. It should go without saying that the shade directed at fellow Grammy performers (and winners) Imagine Dragons is the best part of that particular rant. For some reason Imagine Dragons has convinced many people that they are a good band despite their terrible single "Radioactive" being strong evidence to the contrary. Sorry everybody, but Imagine Dragons are 2014's version of Nickelback, and that's just not my fault or anybody else's fault but Imagine Dragons. [TMZ]
Meanwhile in more classic pop diva beefs (podeefs) former American Idol combatants Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj have suddenly rekindled their at-the-time-seemingly-totally-staged (?) animosities for a whole new round. Yesterday Carey released a new single and music video for "You're Mine (Eternal)" only to discover that Nicki Minaj had gone ahead and released her new single and video for "Lookin Ass N****" that same day. Then, when Carey was discussing her single on a morning radio show and the DJ implied that Carey had been more professional on-air than fellow judge Minaj, Carey hilariously replied, "Who?" She then went on to dismiss Minaj from her brain entirely: "I don't even remember what that was. That was a moment in my life that I'm just going to press delete." For her part, Minaj has remained curiously quiet about Carey's digs, but there is always the chance she hit her delete-key first? I don't know how the mental delete-key works exactly, but if Carey's figured it out then it stands to reason that Minaj did too. [Daily Mail]
Speaking of Nicki Minaj, her longtime mortal enemy, rapper Lil' Kim (about whom Minaj's hilarious song "Stupid Hoe" is alleged to be) is pregnant! Though the former Notorious B.I.G. protege hasn't officially confirmed she's with child, Lil' Kim recently made a splashy entrance at New York Fashion Week and, as Daily Mail puts it, "let her bump do the talking as she was carried by a burly bodyguard from her car." It's that last part that should make you want to click over to see the pictures because haha YUP: A very pregnant Lil' Kim was definitely carried into New York Fashion Week by an enormous bodyguard. Lil' Kim is truly a classic. Anyway, it's not clear who exactly the father is, but Lil' Kim was most recently linked to boxer Floyd Mayweather, Jr., so I guess he's a candidate. Or, if you believe the rumors that Lil' Kim may actually be the female gremlin from Gremlins 2, then there's a chance somebody just threw water on her, but that would be a VERY mean thing to say because Lil' Kim is most likely not the female gremlin from Gremlins 2, okay? [Daily Mail]
Meanwhile the ancient sorceress I mentioned at the beginning, the female bodybuilder Madonna, has a beef of her own: It's with herself! "I hate my music!" she told ET Canada (hold up: Canada has its own celebrity show?) to the question of which of her own songs she'd most enjoy working out to. "I'm sick of it – like turn it off!" Madonna may have raised a good point, but come on, she has some hot jams suitable for doing jumping jacks to. "Ray of Light," obviously. The Bjork-penned "Bedtime Story." "Music." "Express Yourself." Almost the entirety of True Blue. Madonna needs to stop selling herself short, basically! Although, yeah, it would be weird if Madonna listened to a lot of Madonna during her workouts, which are known to last anywhere between 3 to 14 hours per day. But somebody please give Madonna a hug and tell her to relax, she's doing great. [People]
Aw, let's end this hate-filled column on a positive note and one that involves someone who RARELY gets be associated with positive notes. Lindsay Lohan was recently videotaped absolutely slaying a version of Stevie Nicks' "Edge of Seventeen" at a birthday party. No really, the video below is grainy and shaky, but Lohan's signature rasp hasn't been put to such good use in years. She'd apparently recorded a cover of this song years ago for one of her albums (remember when Lindsay Lohan released albums?), so it was clearly material with which she was familiar, but who cares about that? Lindsay Lohan sang "Edge of Seventeen" and did an already-incredible song tons of justice. That's got to count for something. [Page Six, Daily Mail]