Today in celebrity gossip: Miley Cyrus did not say those mean things about Beyoncé, Justin Bieber takes Selena Gomez on a Segway date, and Kate Winslet both clowns and schools her haters.

Miley Cyrus has twerked, she has danced with molly, she has licked construction equipment, she has experienced shirtless hugs with Liam Hemsworth, she has told off Joe Jonas, she has worn unmentionables in mixed company, she runs things things don't run she, and, quite frankly, she has no ability to stop. Miley Cyrus has done a lot of things in the past year, but one thing she hasn't done is talk trash on Beyoncé. In one of those rare and special occasions when a celebrity seeks to quash a rumor before the rumor has even spread, thus serving to spread the rumor while also quashing said rumor, Cyrus has declared to the world that she did not say mean things about Beyoncé in an interview she gave to a publication nobody's heard of. According to the Daily Mail, one of the things that Miley Cyrus allegedly told Love Magazine was, "As Beyoncé grows in motherhood and all the crap it does to your body, it will create a vacuum for fresh young faces to rise up... I got the total package, you know, the curves, the rhythm, and the voice. I'm just the best." Miley Cyrus did not say this, or, as she eloquently defended herself on Twitter, "That quote people MADE UP about Beyonce just made me lol! Imagine if I said I got 'the looks and the curves I'm just better!' Bahahahhaha." Advantage Cyrus. That kind of dumb trash-talk just does not seem to fit with her particular brand of cultural trolling inasmuch as her shenanigans have been largely celebratory and reverent of her idols. Plus, you know, who on earth would be so mentally insane as to trash talk Beyoncé at this point in time? Not Miley Cyrus: "U can cause ALOT of drama but NOT between me & B." For its part Love Magazine also denies that Cyrus' alleged quotes about Beyoncé appear in its magazine: "@MileyCyrus never said anything to us about Beyoncé, the quotes were made up and we're trying to get to the bottom of where this came from." So, whoops, this is a conundrum! [Us Weekly]

When Selena Gomez canceled her Australian tour a few weeks back it was ostensibly because she'd grown exhausted with her popstar lifestyle and was looking to relax, recuperate, take some Selena time, and just chill in general. As we all know the best way to relax and truly find oneself is to ride Segways with Justin Bieber, so that is what she did! Yesterday some very lucky neighbors in Calabasas, Calif., snapped photos of the two racing their awkward half-scooters around the city streets and, as TMZ helpfully pointed out, Justin Bieber was ever the gentleman racing ahead of his ladyfriend at every opportunity. Daily Mail found a more dramatic angle, however, as it dug up some tweets by the citizen paparazzo who'd originally snapped a photo of the Segwayin' duo: "@justinbieber told us to f*** off, and his bodyguards blocked the road." Once again, congratulations to Selena Gomez for truly living the dream. [TMZ, Daily Mail]

Chris Pine recently gave a handsome interview to The Hollywood Reporter in which he briefly described his debut as a leading man alongside Lindsay Lohan in Just My Luck. "It was a real cyclone of insanity," he began to say, in a quote that many scandal sheets would like you to believe described Lindsay Lohan's personality. Unfortunately in context Pine was actually describing the level of fame and attention that surrounded Lohan in that post-Mean Girls chapter of her career. So no, Chris Pine did not choose to promote his new Jack Ryan film by slagging on a woman who needs no further slagging. But he does say things like, "The light of my flame was really bright after Star Trek," and has written a film called Mantivities. So, uh. Yeah. In my opinion those are the salacious quotes that scandal sheets should be running with but oh well. [Hollywood Reporter]

Attention haters: Kate Winslet has had it. Yes, Bear Winslet, the child she recently brought forth into this haunted carnival we call Earth, is her third child by as many fathers, but that is quite frankly nobody's business. As she told Glamour U.K., "I’m really sorry to the nation’s press that I fell in love and got pregnant; I do apologize if you deem that irresponsible." Clowned! And as for the people who scoffed about Winslet's husband's last name and openly questioned whether or not the baby would be taking it: "Of course we're not going to call it RocknRoll... I'm a fucking grown-up." Schooled! Oh man, haters just got told by one of the world's most esteemed actresses and are now for sure going to be crying themselves to sleep tonight in their hater-beds. Kate Winslet is the best. [People]

Bad news for enthusiasts of that very weird chemical reaction of the brain known as "love": Ricky Martin has broken up with his longtime fella! Yep, Martin and Carlos Gonzalez Abella, the co-father of his twin children, have decided to part ways. But look on the bright side: You can finally marry Ricky Martin! Yes, you. You've fantasized about it for years and now it's finally possible! Are you ready? Are you ready to put yourself out there and finally find out once and for all if your love with Ricky Martin is meant to be? To find out whether your soulmate is Ricky Martin? Well, now is your chance. To be honest Ricky Martin is probably a bit heartbroken at the moment, so try and wait at least a few days. But then you gotta get in there. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. Don't let this opportunity pass you by, not again! Best of luck with regard to falling in love with Ricky Martin. Invite me to the wedding? [Us Weekly]

You've had a long day, a long week, and a long life. Perhaps you haven't taken enough time to really appreciate the finer things, to really celebrate them, and by extension, celebrate yourself. You know you need to make time. Perhaps you should cancel your Australian tour and just chill out on a Segway. Or maybe you should just take a good, long look at this image of Larry King hanging out with Harry Styles. Go ahead, treat yourself!