Last night's Daily Show brushed past the Bridgeghazi affair to find the real political scandal dogging the Tri-State Area: how New York Mayor Bill de Blasio eats his pizza.

Host Jon Stewart was skeptical, initially: "He's a large mandoes he eat pizzas as though they're Ritz Crackers? I don't see the problem." But then he saw the smoking gun: "He cut his pizza with a knife and fork? Motherfucker!"

Stewart was disgusted. "Two weeks into your term and we catch you eating pizza à la Trump?" he berated. (Indeed, Donald Trump has been known to follow the same technique.) "And you call yourself a radical socialist bent on destroying the USA." He took the time to give De Blasio a free lesson in governance: "Learn how to eat your city's signature dish." 

De Blasio, to his credit, had an excuse for reporters: he was following the customs of his "ancestral homeland." To which the Daily Show host snarled, "Do you see a Sistine Chapel or a Leaning Tower of Pisa? You don't—you see several junkyards and a tanning salon, 'cause you're in fucking Staten Island. When you're in Staten Island you eat your pizza like a disgusting savage just like every other fucking person in this city."

Still, if nothing else, De Blasio's pizza game is better than that of Mayor Bloomberg, who "would usually have his assistant cut it up and then chew it for him like a baby bird." Chew on that mental image next time you're hungry for a slice.