Today in celebrity gossip: Jennifer Lawrence remains amazing, Uma Thurman's brother is possibly a "yogi gigolo", and Lorde proves that she is definitely a teenager.

In such divisive times it's always wonderful when 100% of us can agree on something. Here are three unanimously accepted truths: Jennifer Lawrence is a national treasure; Doritos are a delicious, delicious treat at any time of day; and Jennifer Lawrence almost definitely left orange Dorito Dust on her American Hustle outfits. But unlike most of the amazing Jennifer Lawrence anecdotes you hear basically every day now, this one was not told by Lawrence herself on some late night talk show. No, this is from American Hustle's likely Oscar-winning costume designer Michael Wilkinson who recently described working with Jennifer Lawrence to Vanity Fair thusly:

Jennifer Lawrence is a very…let's say...raw and intuitive young lady... And she's not against eating Doritos and snack foods in her costume. So we were glad that we had a couple (backup gowns).

Jennifer Lawrence IS a very raw and intuitive lady, duh, we all knew that. But now that we know she, like all of us, leaves orange fingerprints all over her priceless theatrical wardrobe, she's now raw, intuitive, and relatable as h*ck. Wilkinson doesn't say as much in the interview, but I think it's fair to say that Dorito dust is not the only delicious dilemma Lawrence brings to her sets. I heard she left Cactus Cooler stains in Halle Berry's wig in the upcoming X-Men: Days of Future Past. And don't forget about the melted Now & Laters Liam Hemsworth continues to find in the back seat of his Corolla. That's just how Jennifer Lawrence rolls. Greasily and/or stickily. [E! Online]

Quick moral question: Is it truly okay to gossip about celebrities' family members? They aren't public figures and perhaps they don't deserve to have their addictions, foibles, and faux pas trotted out into the spotlight. But what if the gossip is highly relevant to the celebrity's new film? In other words, Nymphomaniac star Uma Thurman's brother is allegedly a sex-addicted yoga instructor who sleeps with his students! As Page Six classily reports, Dechen Thurman "has slept with many of his students at the hip Jivamukti Yoga School in Manhattan." And Page Six's source? Thurman himself, who allegedly posted on the website yoganonymous.com this admission: "Sometimes there are as many as five or six women in the class who I have slept with." For their part the Jivamukti school (which also boasts Madonna, Donna Karan, Sting, and Elizabeth Berkley as students) takes these "very serious allegations... very seriously." The most shocking part of this story is that yoga, a thing involving musky spandex, strained groans, and whispered flatulence is somehow an aphrodisiac for some people? To that notion I look downward, dog. (That was a yoga pun, did it work?) [Page Six]

Okay, okay, fine. Justin Bieber news. You may have already read that he's now in legal trouble in Canada for a December assault against a limo driver. But the newest news nugget truly delighting internet trolls everywhere has been the successful effort to get 100,000 signatures on an e-petition to deport Justin Bieber back to Canada permanently. See, the tricksters and C-list celebs who dreamt up this scheme took advantage of the White House's promise to personally address any petition that reaches 100,000 signatures, so this means the Obama Administration WILL have to discuss this issue soon. However, a similar petition to deport Piers Morgan provoked little more than an eye-roll from White House spokespeople, so don't get your hopes up about a Bieber-free lower-48 just yet. Although, once you hear this next item you'll perhaps fall over yourself to sign the petition as well: Page Six reports that Justin Bieber currently "blows through $1 million a month." A MONTH. They suspect much of that has to do with transporting his awful entourage around, but they estimate at least $8,000 is spent on marijuana. But don't worry about Bieber's financial situation, he was rumored to have made around $58 million in 2013, so even at $1 million a month he'll still have enough left to get extra cheese on his Whopper. [Us Weekly]

The fellas of That Awkward Moment continue to promote their new film via the powerful method of sexual imagery that you won't be able to shake, not that you'd want to. In this case, Michael B. Jordan admitted to Us Weekly that he showed his penis to Zac Efron and Miles Teller "as a practical joke of sorts." I guess there was a scene in which he was supposed to flash them on-camera but with a modesty-preserving sling, except he decided to "flash them the real deal" instead. What a practical joke! Again, this is not an earth-shaking story, it's merely the gift of a life-improving mental image bestowed upon us all by the cast of That Awkward Moment, coming out soon in theaters at some point probably, who knows/cares. [Us Weekly]

After her multiple Grammy wins last Sunday night, the teenage New Zealand nü-witch popstress Lorde has come under attack from the brutes we call our peers, friends, and family. Simply nobody could believe that she is actually 17! Between her thick stage makeup and her perhaps wise-beyond-her-years songwriting sensibility (and also perhaps due the ancient curse that trapped her in a 17-year-old's body over three thousand years ago), rumors immediately began to swirl that she'd lied about her age. Most incriminating of all, noted internet rascal Bobby Finger made the damning discovery that Lorde is an anagram for Older. Well, Lorde birthers can suck a kiwi: Her birth certificate has now been released! The helpful busybodies at The Hairpin were the ones to actually request a copy of the document and it indicates she'll be turning 18 this year. So, uh, yeah. Glad we could sort this out. May our nation's government and economy finally get back on track. [People]

While there's a chance you're already aware of Austin Mahone, the 17-year-old pop heartthrob (pop throb?) from Texas, his name has been popping up more and more often lately amid suggestions that should Justin Bieber fully fall from grace, Mahone is ready and willing to be little girls' newest source of confusing sexual feelings. For one thing, he doesn't have awful tattoos. For another he seems better behaved and likely better-raised. And now he's even rumored to be dating Justin Bieber's ex-girlfriend Selena Gomez! And they'd been set up by no less than Taylor Swift herself! Alas, Mahone denies that he is dating Selena Gomez, though he admits she is "pretty." Anyway, here is an Instagram video the 17-year-old just posted discussing his new single or whatever. May we all enjoy jail time TOGETHER.