Today in celebrity gossip: Obscure celebrities have unsolicited advice for Justin Bieber, Lindsay Lohan's new film has ties to convicted drug dealers, and A LOT of celebrities enjoyed themselves at the Grammys.
Noted political prisoner Justin Bieber appears likely to evade criminal charges for his recent Florida arrest and alleged egg vandalism, but by no means has he fully escaped the hater gauntlet. After the first wave of A-listers bravely laid bare their feelings toward the embattled prince, now it's like every C-List hater has fluttered out of the darkness like moths to a discarded glowstick. First up: Drake Bell, former star of Nickelodeon's Drake & Josh, has not only gone on record calling Bieber "talentless," he's also rallied his fans to sign a petition "encouraging President Obama to have Bieber deported back to his native Canada." And in case you didn't know it already, "Go back to Canada" is basically THE most racist thing a person can possibly say to a Canadian. So far the petition has around 55K signatures and if it reaches 100K, the Obama administration "will be forced to respond." Meanwhile former Backstreet Boys member A.J. McLean offered Bieber a fresh swig of haterade in the form of patronizing concern. As McLean told People, he'd like to "take him under my wing" and also make sure Bieber's surrounded by good people. "Who knows who he's surrounding himself with that are egging him on, no pun intended." Oh really? No pun intended, A.J. McLean? I guess you are just an accidental comedic genius then because THAT was funny and when it comes to funny puns I WANT IT THAT WAY no pun intended. But Justin Bieber would do well to ignore 99% of all these quasi-celebrities and their opportunistically timed unsolicited advice and listen to the only person who makes sense anymore. Ladies and gentlemen, please enjoy this almost certainly made-up anecdote by Mr. Steven Tyler:
I called Justin this morning. I said, "Justin, let me ask you a question. Were you sitting next to a gorgeous woman?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Were you in a yellow Ferrari?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Are you the biggest pop star in the world today right now?" He said, "Yeah." I said, "Nice goin'." [Gives a thumbs up, walks off]
Justin Bieber, if you're reading this and I feel like you definitely are reading this (Quick question, is Justin Bieber literate?), then please listen to Steven Tyler. He gets you. You get him. You two are kin. Possibly literally, who knows. I don't know where Steven Tyler has been. Nobody does. [E! Online, People, Page Six]
Her favorite Nick Nolte film must certainly be I Love Trouble, because Lindsay Lohan LOVES trouble. Just recently the world rejoiced when a clean 'n coherent redheaded version of the fallen idol made a Sundance appearance boasting of her newest film project, a thriller called Inconceivable. But we were fools to believe Lohan was suddenly free and clear of drama, as Page Six now reports that a pair of Inconceivable's financiers are "convicted cocaine dealers who are accused of orchestrating a contract killing in Moscow." I know what you're thinking: What film financiers AREN'T those things? Well, these particular ones ALSO have "ties to the Russian oil business, the Armenian government and the African diamond trade." Most damning of all, they helped finance 2 Guns, Alex Cross, and Righteous Kill, each of them crimes against our attention spans. Oh, Lindsay. Just be careful, girl! [Page Six]
The only thing worse than salacious celebrity gossip is when salacious celebrity gossip involves only the most attractive people possible. Isn't that the worst! Just kidding, not only is it the best, it's better than Christmas. Guys, it's time to revisit the subject of Sienna Miller's sex life. We all know she and Jude Law broke up a while back after he decided to give the nanny a good rogering (is that the correct word? I don't speak fancy English), but were you quite aware that Sienna Miller got revenge on Law by having tons of Daniel Craig sex with Daniel Craig? WHILE Daniel Craig and Jude Law were besties? Oh it's all just so terribly sexy and British. (Also, WHAT kind of life is Sienna Miller leading? That is a rhetorical question, asked with an arched eyebrow and a fluttered handkerchief.) Anyway, the reason this has all be re-drudged up is because Jude Law recently testified in court against defunct gossip rag News of the World for that still ongoing phone hacking scandal. As he revealed on the stand, when Law found out about the tryst in question, he called up Craig and shouted at him over the phone. "We had known each other many, many years... So the conversation took on all sorts of turns." Delightful! I mean, sorry about all the broken hearts, but still: delightful! [Us Weekly]
Okay, let's talk Grammys. By now you've actively forced most of that dire 5-hour telecast out of your head, but that doesn't mean celebrities stopped partying and/or taking cute #selfies! Here is a brief rundown of some of the more notable nuggets of amusement to spring from the aftermath of Sunday's event!
Everybody loved Pharrell Williams' incredible hat, but not as much as Arby's did. This Twitter exchange between the two luminaries was very charming:
Multiple Grammy-winner Macklemore apparently felt guilty for having poached the Best Rap Album award from Kendrick Lamar and decided to send an extremely humblebraggy open text message to him about it!
Meanwhile Nine Inch Nails' angriest meat pillar Trent Reznor was not very happy about Grammy producers' decision to cut short his final duet with Queens of the Stone Age:
Music's biggest night... to be disrespected. A heartfelt FUCK YOU guys.— Trent Reznor (@trent_reznor) January 27, 2014
Actress Anna Kendrick met Beyoncé and 'grammed a picture so ill-framed that it it positively reeks of starstrucked-ness:
Two witches came together and discussed who will become the next Supreme:
For artistic reasons this was my favorite: Grammy-winning Country singer Kacey Musgraves and her band listening to Daft Punk and having fun with their light-up suits. It's basically art!
BuzzFeed has a whole bunch more. Truly treat yourself.