Today in celebrity gossip: Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul recounts the weirdest celebrity story you're bound to hear today, Jake Gyllenhaal is single again, and Michelle Rodriguez made out with a lady at a basketball game.

What a lot of people may not understand about celebrity living is that it truly doesn't matter how famous or rich you are, your life will still just be normal and chill like everybody else's. Celebrities have to face the same kinds of difficulties that we do, be they bills, heartache, creative failures, triflin' in-laws, annoying co-workers, or bitey pets. In most ways being a "celebrity" is no different than being a "human person." Breaking Bad's Aaron Paul understands this more than most, as he recently recounted to Details a very normal story about his very mundane, unexceptional life. It's a story that we can all relate to and it could have happened to any of us at any time. Basically he was invited to a party at the Prince of Brunei's castle where he and the prince and princess chased sheep, operated hovercrafts around the castle grounds ("If I have a chance to hovercraft around a castle, I’m going to hovercraft."), and then retired to the sitting room where Paul commiserated with Michael Jackson about issues of the heart before getting the party STARTED: "And then I go, 'Do you want to do a shot?' And he goes, 'Sure!' And I was like, 'OK, Michael, let’s do this.'" So please keep this story in mind next time you're stressing about how "cool" or "exciting" or "like an unsettling fever dream" fame must be for celebrities. Because if Aaron Paul is any testament, celebrities' lives are just as boring as anybody else's, don't worry. [Page Six]

If you chose "six months" in your "How Long Will Jake Gyllenhaal's New Romance Last?" office pool, then congratulations! He has just broken up with his girlfriend Alyssa Miller after six months of dating! Or perhaps you are one of the last true romantics and you'd hoped that finally, after years and years and dozens and dozens of girlfriends, Gyllenhaal had finally found "the one" in the 24-year-old Sports Illustrated swimsuit model? Alas, as an "insider" informed Us Weekly, things were just not meant to be: "They fizzled out. It happened a while ago -- before the holidays." Oh, poor Jake Gyllenhaal! Not only is he suddenly without someone to keep him warm during the Polar Vortex (which in Los Angeles is strictly a metaphor), there is a also chance he shed a few tears into his egg nog over the holidays. Gosh, it seems almost cruel that someone as handsome and talented and heterosexual as Jake Gyllenhaal will have to strap on his waders and venture forth once again into the writhing sea of hotties he calls a dating pool. Hang in there, J! True love will find you soon. [Us Weekly]

If you do little else today — even if you don't do chores or get any work done or pick up your kids from judo practice — please still make an effort to look at this photo gallery of Michelle Rodriguez acting like a drunken weirdo at a Knicks game. It is truly special and hilarious. Also there is girl-on-girl action! As Page Six's caption indicates, "An apparently visibly intoxicated actress Michelle Rodriguez was spotted kissing model Cara Delevingne in the 4th quarter, after drinking throughout the contest." And then every subsequent photo is just Michelle Rodriguez making truly insane faces while smoking an e-cigarette. Also, if you guessed "three months" in your "How Long After Michelle Rodriguez Officially Comes Out Will She Be Spotted Kissing Cara Delevigne at a Knicks Game?" office pool, then congratulations! Three months was a very good guess. [Page Six]

This was probably not the Veronica Mars comeback story people wanted to hear. Actor Michael Muhney (Neptune's very own Sheriff Lamb) was fired last month from his job at The Young and the Restless after 19-year-old co-star Hunter King accused him of groping her breasts. Now Radar reports that even veteran co-star Eric Braeden (who has been on the show for more than three decades) had "wanted [Muhney] fired for years." But it turns out Muhney's bad reputation isn't necessarily a recent thing and was apparently the reason behind his character being killed off of Veronica Mars (spoiler alert?) well before the series ended. Daily Mail reports that his ego had been "out of control" and that "the final straw was that Michael allegedly released portions of the season finale online." So uh, yeah. That sounds very unprofessional! To say nothing of the actual physical assault of a co-worker. The thing is, a lot of actors are abject nightmares to deal with, but if they're talented enough a production or studio will bend over backwards to downplay or outright lie about that actor's behavior. It's really telling that people don't seem to want to do that for Muhney anymore. Enjoy retirement? [Daily Mail, TMZ]

If somebody told you that Madonna has just started dating a ripped male model 30 years her junior, how shocked would you be? Would you collapse from surprise? Would you merely lie down and fan yourself with a paper plate? Would you re-evaluate basically everything you've ever known or thought you knew? To be honest, all of those reactions would be extreme because Madonna loves to hop up and down on ripped twenty-something dudes and that is her right! According to Radar, the new dude is called Timor Steffens and he's a backup dancer who was recently seen hanging out with Madonna on a family ski trip in Switzerland. And just FYI, this is mere weeks after Madonna broke up with her previous ripped twenty-something model boyfriend Brahim Zaibat. Madonna has never been accused of sloth, but especially not when it comes to finding new mid-twenties male models to date. She is ABOUT IT, don't worry. [Radar]

Big congrats to national treasure Lily Tomlin who has married Jane Wagner, her girlfriend of 42 years! The two seventy-something women first met in 1971 when they collaborated on Tomlin's comedy album This Is a Recording and have since worked together on films like The Incredible Shrinking Woman and the truly baffling Lily Tomlin-John Travolta romance Moment by Moment, which Wagner wrote. So if you guessed "42 years" in the "When Will Lily Tomlin Make an Honest Woman of Jane Wagner?" office pool, congratulations! That was a terrific guess quite frankly. [Us Weekly]

Okay, this is probably the most egregious instance of burying the lede of all time. Look at what somebody tweeted: It's a picture of Alexander Skarsgard sitting nude on a toilet in Antarctica! Why didn't I lead with this? What is MY PROBLEM? Dang this was some terrible journalism on my part. Anyway, here, please enjoy this photo of Alexander Skarsgard sitting nude on a toilet in Antarctica: