If you ever need proof that sometimes celebrities do live on a different planet than the rest of us, look no further than the bevy of celebrity magazine profiles each year. To honor the most zany and downright ridiculous things that came out of the mouths of the stars when being interviewed for a glossy publication, we've compiled some of 2013's best examples.
February - Beyoncé in GQ
Amy Wallace's look into the world of Beyoncé had even Beyoncé admitting that she's crazy, what with the archive that chronicles her every move:
And this room—she calls it her "crazy archive"—is a key part of that, she will explain, so, "you know, I can always say, 'I want that interview I did for GQ,' and we can find it." And indeed, she will be able to find it, because the room in which you are sitting is rigged with a camera and microphone that is capturing not just her every utterance but yours as well. These are the ground rules: Before you get to see Beyoncé, you must first agree to live forever in her archive, too
Oh man, Claire Hoffman's Q&A was a doozy of a look inside the life of one of our most famous families. Do you want to hear the Smith family's unifying theory of everything? Yes, in fact, you do.
Do you see patterns too, Jaden?
Jaden: I think that there is that special equation for everything, but I don’t think our mathematics have evolved enough for us to even—I think there’s, like, a whole new mathematics that we’d have to learn to get that equation.
Will: I agree with that.
Jaden: It’s beyond mathematical. It’s, like, multidimensional mathematical, if you can sort of understand what I’m saying.
August - Shailene Woodley in Interview
Since this interview, Shailene Woodley has established herself as a goddess of sorts in the realm of bizarro celebrity interviews. She makes her own toothpaste and cheese! The Interview interview, conducted by fellow it-girl actress Emma Stone, really gets the ball rolling.
STONE: Do you dream?
WOODLEY: I dream so many dreams! I do.
STONE: Do you write them down?
WOODLEY: I do write them down. I've actually found some herbs that will induce lucid dreaming or will help with other types of dreaming.
STONE: What are they? Mushrooms?
WOODLEY: No, they're not mushrooms! [both laugh] Although, I've heard something about that ...
STONE: There are rumors about these mushrooms out in the world ... [laughs] But what herb helps with lucid dreaming?
WOODLEY: There are a few. One that I love for dreaming is called mugwort. It's actually what we'd call a weed. You can find it all over America. You can dry it and make it into a tea or you can burn it like sage. It's what the Native Americans used to do to bring on helpful dreams to encourage visions for the coming days.
November - Michael Fassbender in GQ
Zach Baron, who has two profiles on this list, was able to get acclaimed actor Fassbender to share his thoughts on gold and his financial concerns:
No, but what I'm saying is like, countries going, 'We're in this much debt, and we've got to get it together to pay off this debt.' It's like, 'You're never going to pay that debt off. It's impossible.' I worry about currency and money. Inflation, bang, and next thing, a million's not worth anything. Like in Germany before and after the war, when it really crashed. It was like 2,000 marks for a loaf of bread or something, you know what I mean? That's why you've got to get it in bricks and mortar.
December - Leonardo DiCaprio (via George Clooney) in Esquire
In Tom Junod's profile of George Clooney, Clooney accomplishes the rare feat of making another celebrity sound crazy in his own profile.
They played at a neighborhood court. “You know, I can play,” Clooney says in his living room. “I’m not great, by any means, but I played high school basketball, and I know I can play. I also know that you don’t talk shit unless you can play. And the thing about playing Leo is you have all these guys talking shit. We get there, and there’s this guy, Danny A I think his name is. Danny A is this club kid from New York. And he comes up to me and says, ‘We played once at Chelsea Piers. I kicked your ass.’ I said, ‘I’ve only played at Chelsea Piers once in my life and ran the table. So if we played, you didn’t kick anybody’s ass.’ And so then we’re watching them warm up, and they’re doing this weave around the court, and one of the guys I play with says, ‘You know we’re going to kill these guys, right?’ Because they can’t play at all. We’re all like fifty years old, and we beat them three straight: 11–0, 11–0, 11–0. And the discrepancy between their game and how they talked about their game made me think of how important it is to have someone in your life to tell you what’s what. I’m not sure if Leo has someone like that.”
(December runner-up goes to Justin Timberlake in GQ, which was on a roll this year in getting celebs to say unfortunate things, for declaring: "So I find it ironic that I'm doing an interview with you about Man of the Year when I feel—literally—like a bunch of people just took a shit on my face.")
January 2014 - Bradley Cooper in GQ
Okay, so technically this is a 2014 profile, but since it was released online in December we're counting it here. Baron once again gets his subject to go on wonderfully loony tangents. See, for instance, Cooper on Paradise Lost:
“Milton, bro? Milton. Fuckin’—that was the end of it. Motherfucker’s 57 or whatever, blind, dictating it to his fucking daughter-nurse—Paradise Lost? I mean, I just couldn’t… That poem fucking killed me. Satan? That character was un-fucking-believable. I could taste him in my mouth, dude, reading that. I really, really, for some reason, connected with that poem.”
Honorable Mention - The Gwyneth Paltrow Vanity Fair Profile that Wasn't, Yet
Gwyneth Paltrow was apparently was so mad/freaked out by what Vanity Fair was on to that she ordered her famous friends not to "do this magazine again." Though whatever VF was planning hasn't come out (yet) that alone is worth a spot on this list.