Today in celebrity gossip: Kate Winslet has procreated with Ned Rocknroll, Justin Bieber involved himself in Philippine misery, and Adam Shankman checked into rehab.

For the more discerning enthusiasts of celebrity procreation, the world gained an especially esteemed scion this week in the newborn son of Kate Winslet! (We use high language for occasions such as these.) Though the so far unnamed child is Winslet's third overall, it's her first with new husband Ned Rocknroll, nephew of British tycoon Richard Branson and selfless benefactor of internet headline writers everywhere. Because his last name is Rocknroll, you see, which is a 100% perfect A+ last name that will never be unfun to type. Rocknroll. Rocknroll. Ugh, so fun. Anyway, all parties are doing well health-wise, and Winslet continues to be one of the few redeeming aspects of all of Hollwood. Congratulations, everybody! [Page Six]

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Last month's horrifying Philippine typhoon has so far claimed over 6,000 lives, but residents of Tacloban now have at least one reason to smile about it: They've just experienced a visit from Justin Bieber! The occasionally nightmarish Canadian micro-hunk visited the typhoon-ravaged city to shoot some hoops, play some jams, and generally bring attention from his Belieber Army to the beleaguered area. Which, okay! That is a perfectly admirable use of one's fame and fanbase. Perhaps Justin Bieber has turned over a new leaf, has begun to mature, has become mildly tolerable. Haha nope: Only two days earlier he was overheard calling a bikini-clad Australian fan a "beached whale" who needed to "go on The Biggest Loser." Oh, well. Win some, lose some, Justin Bieber some. [Page Six; Us Weekly]

Today in Kanye: At the recent San Antonio stop of Yeezus' Yeezus Tour, a fan "continuously heckled" the fine artist to remove the decorative face mask completely obscuring his face. Kanye West proceeded to single the woman out: "You tryin' to tell me how to give you my art?" But the question, unfortunately, was rhetorical. The trifling fan was quickly escorted from the arena by concert security. When the crowd, seemingly in unison, or perhaps merely inside his head, openly questioned this decision, Kanye West responded "Don't f***ing heckle me. I'm Kanye motherf***ing West." Kanye West raised a good point, in my opinion. [Daily Mail]

Oh, here is an Instagram selfie of Kim Kardashian paying tribute to Elizabeth Taylor:

Golden Era Hollywood fans, consider yourselves TROLL'D. [Instagram]

Choreographer, Rock of Ages director, and part-time So You Think You Can Dance manic camera-hog Adam Shankman has admitted himself into a rehab facility for an undisclosed reason. Absent actual facts, it's probably just safe to assume he's there for "exhaustion." Which is the street name for cocaine. But again, who can say? Seems like it'd be slander to suggest Adam Shankman went to rehab for cocaine, right? Irresponsible journalism at the very least. Anyway, Adam Shankman is in rehab where he will hopefully get some rest, regain his health, energize his spirit, and, fingers-crossed, decide to quit directing forever as his entire resumé is a fever-dream nightmare. Get well, Adam Shankman! [People]

The day neither starts nor ends without news of a former child star's most recent foibles, and here are at least three: First up, were you aware that Amanda Bynes has been released from rehab and is free to walk the earth again? TMZ recently snapped a photo of the troubled former actress enjoying a visit to Disneyland ("enjoying a visit to Disneyland" = applying mascara in a Matterhorn toboggan). Still though, she seemed relatively normal and low-key, right? Maybe we should just chalk up this Modern American subplot as a happily-ever-after situation and quickly move on before the realities of her life depress us all over again? [TMZ]

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Meanwhile, and perhaps in response to Joe Jonas' recent Vulture tell-most, former Disney Channel star and current X-Factor judge Demi Lovato has opened up about the extent of her drug and mental health problems. As the 21-year-old told Access Hollywood, in the throes of her addiction she used to smuggle "exhaustion" onto airplanes in order to keep her constant "exhaustion" habit going, as she apparently couldn't last 30-minutes without another hit of "exhaustion." Additionally, Lovato revealed that her eating disorders first showed up when she was "8 or 9 years old" and later got so bad that she "would throw up and it would just be blood." Have a great rest of the week, everybody. [Access Hollywood]

Our third and final story in former child star non-glory: The ongoing row between Lindsay Lohan and Barron Hilton has taken an eerie (yet weirdly admirable) turn for the non-publicized. Although Paris Hilton's younger brother had been threatening Lohan with legal action for her role in allegedly encouraging a thug-friend to beat him up BAD, he's apparently fallen silent with authorities and now seems reluctant to press charges. Radar Online's working theory? Incriminating photos may have surfaced that could undercut Hilton's side of the story. Or something. Does anybody care about this? Rich jerks got into fisticuffs at a party and Lindsay Lohan continues to surround herself with bad people. Can we go back to talking about Tom Daley again? Feeling VERY nostalgic for last week already. [Radar Online]