Today in celebrity gossip: Julie Andrews is too busy to watch The Sound of Music Live!, Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel file for divorce, and Sharon Osbourne did NOT have plastic surgery in her bathing suit region.

Call it a manifestation of the patriarchy's need to set powerful women against one another or maybe just call it good, old-fashioned schadenfreude, but sometimes nothing shines brighter than shade, and the subtler the better. Case in point: Nearly a week after NBC's smash-hit (and much-tweeted about) live TV revival of The Sound of Music, a brave reporter asked Julie Andrews what she'd thought of it. Her response? "Alas, I did not [watch it]. I had a speaking engagement and I couldn't. But my kids did record it. I'll get around to it." Haha sure. Look, we all have plans. We all lead busy lives. We can't all just drop everything for three hours and watch a bizarre version of a dated classic told via stiff acting and the production values of an SNL sketch. BUT STILL. Julie Andrews didn't have time to watch an extremely zeitgeisty celebration of one of her most famous roles? She couldn't even fake having seen it and said something good-natured about the whole thing? Nope, instead she's claiming it didn't even occur to her to record it, her kids had to do that. Also, "Alas"? All of this is expert, next-level shade. Bow before the queen, everybody. [USA Today]

Now here's an example of a less subtle and thus less effective form of shade-throwing: Noted burlesque expert Dita Von Teese was asked recently what she thought of Miley Cyrus' recent "sexy" stage persona: "I love the very beautiful combined with the vulgar. The problem is, I don’t find it very beautiful." Haha she basically called Miley Cyrus' baffling gyrations ugly AND vulgar. Which, fine, I am no judge of fine art. That is for the experts to decide. But we're still left with a woman who used to wake up next to Marilyn Manson disapproving of Miley Cyrus's career choices. So, uh, yeah. [Page Six]

Two things about Oprah Winfrey: In a recent Hollywood Reporter profile, she confessed that "If I had kids, my kids would hate me. They would have ended up on the equivalent of the Oprah show talking about me; because something [in my life] would have had to suffer and it would've probably been them." No matter your feelings about Oprah Winfrey, you have to admit this was one of the most responsible, thoughtful, and heartbreaking things a celebrity has ever said about parenthood. On the other hand, I'm an enthusiast of dynamic people keeping the gene pool fresh, so maybe Oprah should have had tons of kids and dealt with the fallout later? Live a little, Oprah! Society is being overrun with people who get knocked up simply because it was raining out. Anyway, the second thing about Oprah--something probably more "gossipy"--was that Lindsay Lohan has personally explained to Oprah what happened with that Barron Hilton dust-up, and has apologized for her involvement. Or, well, apologized while also maintaining she did nothing wrong. A perfect apology. But whatever, it's fine, the Lindsay Lohan reality show is still set to air on OWN next year, so all is well. [Hollywood Reporter; Radar Online]

Love is dead though. The only question is whether it's dead like Angel (dead forever) or dead like Mimi (one spirited reprise away from resurrection). These are Rent jokes and they are timely and relevant in that original Broadway castmembers Taye Diggs and Idina Menzel have separated after ten years of marriage. Sorry Rent fans, but also especially sorry to the actual people involved in this heartache. These two will probably not be lighting each others' candles any longer. Because Rent. [People]

Uh, just FYI, Sharon Osbourne did NOT have vaginal rejuvenation surgery. She simply didn't. Stop spending all your waking hours thinking about Sharon Osbourne's vaginal rejuvenation surgery. It didn't happen, and frankly, it's none of your business. Regardless of the fact that Sharon Osbourne bizarrely lied about having had vaginal rejuvenation surgery on the Graham Norton Show, she certainly did not have it. She was only kidding about having had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. If you'd been imagining a tighter, more rejuvenated Sharon Osbourne lately, don't. Because that's just not how things are. Now you know. [Us Magazine]

Rachael Ray's elderly aunt locked herself out of her house and froze to death. #celebgossip [Radar Online]

Finally, there appears to be a trend of celebrities posting awkward Christmas photos lately. Which is a good trend, in my opinion! But attention celebrities: Mena Suvari seems to have won this round. BYE.